The Challenge: Double Agents Power Rankings — Week 6

Welcome back to another edition of Double Agents Power Rankings! After letting the events of last week’s game changing episode marinate, I’ve decided to answer three burning questions that are on the mind of every Challenge fan. Questions such as; What would it be like to go to high school with Tori? Is this Nany’s best ever chance at a win? Finally, who should be the host when TJ retires? I have these answers along with much much more…

30) Joseph (Eliminated)

29) Nicole (E)

28) Wes (E)

27) Liv (E)

26) Nelson (E)

25) Natalie (LW: 4)

The real reason she went home is fairly personal and not my story to tell, therefore I won’t. As far as her future Challenge prospects go, I certainly look forward to her return. Any Survivor people in my life spoke on her like they were recounting old Bo Jackson stories. No pressure or anything.

24) Tori (LW: 10)

I’m pretty positive if Tori and I were from the same town our relationship would have been pretty ancillary. Existing solely on the fringes of the social scene and AIM chats for the almost the entirety of high school. Until the last two months of senior year where we would have drank a ton of Busch Lights together at assorted garage parties. Maybe we would have even drunkenly made out one night we both end up a bit foggy on. But then we’d never speak again the minute summer ended and everyone left for college.

I don’t really know why I constantly feel the need to contextualize what it would be like to have a relationship, platonic or otherwise, with her in real life. Maybe it’s because she comes across as so phony that if I don’t attempt to sift through the dirt until I found a diamond it makes me feel like I’m holding in a sneeze.

Or maybe I should just shut up. Sing it boys!

23) Josh (LW: 24)

It’s pretty silly to think that Wes threw his elimination to Bananas last season on Total Madness as some sort of backdoor deal to get a cut of the winnings. I just simply think that the elimination was purposely made to be a crap-shoot so that the Challenge God’s had slightly more control of the outcome. That way they could make it much harder for Wes to find…..what’s that? Josh? Oh right. Uh..yeah…I don’t know I got nothin.

22) Amber B. (LW: 23)

Does Tall Amber get to be a part of the Itty Bitty Small Committee as an honorary member? Sort of like how Big T is Big T even though she’s not big at all? Or the sweet sorrow of Romeo and Juliet’s love?

I, for one, am on the edge of my seat waiting to find out.

21) Lio (LW: 21)

20) Mechie (LW: 20)

“Hi Challenge Gods, first time caller long time listener, may I please have just a little bit more of Lio and Mechie? I feel like they might have something to offer they both seem really fun.”

“No.”

“Okay, why not?”

“You need more Josh and Fessy.”

“I most certainly do not.”

“YOU’LL GET MORE JOSH AND FESSY AND YOU’LL LIKE IT”

“Josh? Is that you?”

“I just don’t trust you. And you’re coming at my friend. I’m voting you in no matter what.”

“Josh, I’m not even on the show.”

“I CAN YELL LOUDER THAN YOU”

“That’s nice.”

19) Gabby (LW: 22)

18) Amber M. (LW: 19)

The Karen and Gretchen to Big T’s Regina George. I’m glad we got to see some rookies play the game a little bit, even if they were just taking Big T’s lead.

17) Ashley (LW: 30)

The first time I heard her patented “you gahs” in a confessional, I got that same warm and tingly feeling you get when the Door Dash driver remembers to bring all the sauces you asked for.

During my initial Pre-Season Power Rankings, I laid out my theory on the Ashley — San Fransisco Giants Corralary, and while not the perfect comparison, you cannot deny the coincidence. Now that she’s back, my wildest bullshit nonsense theory yet is still alive!!!

I’m way happier about this than I should be.

16) Mature Nany (LW: 17)

Let’s take this space to suss out the women’s side of the game, which has evolved in a much more fascinating way than the men’s. Let’s sort out the remaining women by sorting them into groups ranging from “competitive” to “here for the ride”

Competitive

• Kam — Running the politics of the house, hungry.
• Ashley — Only woman with a championship belt on her resume.
• Lolo — Duh.
• Kaycee — Finalist last season, legit athlete.
• Theresa — Was competitive in a former life, so she gets the benefit of the doubt.

Somewhere In The Middle

• Nany — More on her in a bit.
• Big T — I mean probably not, but I would have put Ashley in this section for the same column during Invasion. So who knows.
• Aneesa — Has her Gold Skull, but would you actually bet your hard earned money on her winning?

Here For The Ride

• Amber B. — Rookie.
• Amber M. — Rookie.
• Gabby — Rookie.

(I know that analysis seems lazy and maybe it is. But other then Turbo no rookie has ever won (Lolo doesn’t count). And those three aren’t Turbo)

Step back ten thousand feet and assess the landscape. Five Gold Skulls, five finalists. With that in mind, that first list seems a bit light doesn’t it? Only five women who have a chance? That can’t be it. Just for fun, let’s take a look at what that first section may have looked like before the season started.

Competitive (Pre-Season)

• Kam
• Ashley
• Lolo
• Kaycee
• Theresa
• Nicole
• Natalie
• Tori

See how much better that looks? That list has been almost cut in half. Competitive women have been dropping left and right. The ones who play their cards right will get into the Final encountering fewer speed bumps than their route on Google Maps may have originally stated. We went from the strongest women’s field in history, to something much more manageable.

I say all of that to say this. If Nany ever had an opportunity to win a Final this is it. The Challenge Gods are parting the Red Wine Sea for her. If she reads the chessboard correctly and say Lolo or Kam get caught slipping in the wrong elimination, the door is wide open. There’s at minimum five women left Nany would be the betting favorite against in any of the elimination’s that we’ve seen so far. At the end of the day, the chances are as high for my girl as they’re ever gonna get.

15) Jay (LW: 18)

14) Theresa (LW: 16)

Context clues suggest that these two are more intertwined in the social scene than I had previously thought. Huh, apparently I was wrong. Me? Wrong? Who would have guessed? (Answer: My girlfriend)

13) Nam (LW: 14)

I know what you’re thinking, but no, those were the largest suspenders Nam could find.

12) Cory (LW: 13)

What an amazingly fertile human being.

11) Leroy (LW: 11)

Incoming unoriginal recycled take coming: Leroy is my favorite

He has been since his Real World season, and unlike basically everyone in life, he has yet to let me down. But the way Double Agents has shaken out has made it hard for me to really settle in for the ride. It reminds me a lot of Sarah on Exes 2.

Not really here for the bullshit. Not really here to have fun, or make friends, or any of the extra-curriculars. Been there, done that. Just win, baby. Singular focus on the W. In a roundabout way, that attitude and subsequent victory cost Sarah friends, money, and any desire to come back. Whether it was worth it or not ultimately isn’t for anyone for Sarah to reconcile with.

Will it cost Leroy all of those things? Probably not. He’s not gonna pull a fast one on Kam and any “friends” he has left are few and far between as it is.

At this point you might be asking yourself, “what point is this fucking guy trying to make, can I just get to the CT section already?”

Valid question, as I’m not even sure myself. I guess I’m just trying to say that I’m really deep in my heart rooting for Leroy to finally get a win in his retirement season, whether he has to do something shitty to get there or not.

10) Kaycee (LW: 8)

It’s getting more and more impressive every week how little she is able to give while remaining relevant. I’m astonished by it. Nobody’s a bigger try-hard than your average Challenge newcomer and Kaycee is so far on the opposite spectrum of that, that I don’t even have the words to describe how little she is trying.

She seems like a great hang and all but I just don’t think she has that real je ne sais quoi one needs to be a Challenge stalwart.

9) Darrell (LW: 7)

After my Winners & Losers Recap from last episode, a reader pointed out to me that on Darrell’s Patreon show he mentioned that he totally made up the term “height shock” because of course he did.

The lesson is, as always, I’m an idiot.

8) Queen Big T (LW: 12)

Big T’s had an impressive run. But I think her greatest accomplishment so far has been getting CT to consistently annunciate.

7) Devin (LW: 9)

Nobody in the history of The Challenge will benefit from a twist quite as much as Devin will from the Rogue Agent twist. Between sitting out the next daily and the next elimination, he’s able to do literally nothing for what is probably at least a week and a half real time. A vacation he’s getting paid to be on.

His feet are soaked, but his cuffs are bone dry. Everything’s coming up Devin.

6) Aneesa (LW: 15)

PHILLYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the list of All-Time Philadelphia Sports Moments, Aneesa winning The Challenge would slot in slightly behind the Eagles beating Tom Brady in the Super Bowl and just ahead of Rocky defeating Drago to end Cold War.

5) Lolo (LW: 6)

I’ve been questioning her political game all season. Simply because I haven’t seen it. And also her political game on the Champs vs. Stars spin-off season she appeared on was…shaky?? Yeah, for fear of retribution, let’s go with shaky.

But with negotiating with CT in the way she did, knowing he was in need of a life raft. As well as wearing the Olympic track suit to the deliberation, Lolo has shown me she might be figuring things out now that she’s had some time to navigate the game’s ecosystem. Add in the fact that her hypothetical physical threats are dwindling by the minute, I’m not sure how she doesn’t get to TJ’s final.

4) Kyle (LW: 5)

The last time The Challenge changed hosts was in 2005 when TJ Lavin replaced Dave Mirra. That was so long ago people like Aneesa (remember her?) were still on the show…oh wait bad example. Despite some constants, this show and the game have changed immensely since then. And TJ’s been there to guide us through every twist and turn.

Now under no circumstances do I want to ditch TJ. He’s an institution and at this point one of the most important people on the cast. But one day, he’s going to ride his bike off into the sunset and move on. And the Challenge Gods will have some large shoes to fill.

We need somebody who first and foremost loves the game. That’s probably TJ’s best asset as a host, he truly loves this shit. We need somebody who won’t be afraid to call out perceived soft behavior when he sees it. We need someone who’s just charismatic enough to excel on camera, but not so overwhelming that they swallow the the energy in the room.

Kyle as the next host of The Challenge is a home run from every angle. Who says no?

3) CT (LW: 3)

Watch this clip, but imagine Allen Iverson is CT. And in the last thirty seconds or so instead of Lebron, he’s speaking to Big T. While I’ve never met a metaphor I didn’t want to stretch, and maybe this is one of those instances, the messaging is scary accurate.

2) Kam (LW: 2)

She has such a grip on this game that not only did she vote for her own boyfriend, but she got him to even vote for himself. Granted some of the games rules are slanted so those things weren’t exactly competing interests. It’s still been impressive and fun to watch even if it’s happening mostly off screen.

1) Fessy (LW: 1)

Aneesa: I’m stealing back my man Fessy

Fessy:

Thanks for reading! Be sure to check back before next week’s Episode 6 for my What To Look For Preview. And in case you missed it, you can find my recap for Episode 5 here, and well as evergreen content A Moment in Challenge History: Volume 1 and Volume 2. Happy Challenge Watching!!!