Pluto Rewind: Exes II Episode 2 — Winners & Losers
Welcome back to another edition of Pluto Rewind! This week we get the sequel to Battle of the Exes, and we get another early season episode titled “I Will Always Hate You”. Inside this edition: We party like pre-teens, turns out pizza isn’t universal, Jenna passes a civics test, and much much more…
Winner: The Cast Out At Bars
Season 38? Is that when we’ll see them out at bars in the public again? A boy can dream I guess.
Loser: Club Rat Jay
I almost forgot how unlikable he was. Almost. Considering he’s one of the most unlikable people to ever live, that’s really impressive. On his Real World season, I distinctly remember his dream job being Club DJ Hype Man? Like his profession would be to be the most annoying person at the club. Shouting “LETS GO!” “LADIES TO THE DANCE FLOOR”, and all the other annoying things DJ hype men do. I really hope it didn’t work out for him.
Winner: Alcohol
Holy smokes this crew was slam hammered for the entire first part of this episode. Talking over each other with rosy cheeks all over the house in an almost magical way. Man, I’m getting so nostalgic right now…
Winner: 8th Grade
This daily challenge called “Rounding The Bases” was just overflowing with sexual innuendo’s in a ham-handed way that only The Challenge can produce.
The first game was basically the game you played in middle-school where you passed a card around the room with your lips, or “suck and blow” as it’s so poetically called. Essentially, if you drop it, you had to kiss the person. It was really just an excuse for hormonal pre-teens to make out. So why not do it on The Challenge?!
Winner (or is it loser?): Sarah
Same. That’s just playing smart, honestly. Billy Beane may have ruined sports movies, and basically everything else. But Moneyball strategies have only amplified prepubescent kissing games. Speaking of Moneyball…
Winner: Baseball
If the first challenge wasn’t ham-handed enough, this second portion has the men spinning two baseballs and the women spinning a baseball bat…
Loser: Smooth Peanut Butter
You know what the grossest thing about this super gross Challenge is?
They didn’t use crunchy peanut butter. Obviously that’s the superior peanut butter. Anyone who uses smooth PB on a PB and J is basically a sociopath in my mind. Like, grow up. There’s technological advances for a reason.
If you’re a smooth over crunchy person then go ahead and turn off your air conditioning, wipe your butt with leaves, and ride your horse to work. I don’t need your pilgrim energy fucking up my sandwiches.
Winner: Consistency
Even on a daily challenge as silly as this one, the best are the best for a reason. There is no shock that these six people are the “best” six people at doing this nonsense. Some things just don’t change.
Loser: Panamanian Pizza
Maybe I’m just spoiled growing up in Chicago but what the God damn hell is that?
Yuck.
“What’s flatter? That pizza or the earth? I’ll hang up and listen…”
Loser: Projection
Nany and Theresa never were going to be friends.
Theresa could save Nany’s family from a house fire and Nany could donate two billion dollars to Theresa and her family. None of it would matter.
A friendship between the two of them is an impossibility. For a simple reason…they’re basically the same person. At least when it comes to the show and the space they occupy in it’s ecosystem.
I talked about The Battle of the Amber’s a lot on my early season Double Agents recaps. Their irreconcilable differences were solely about having the same name, forcing a last initial upon them for all eternity. But the same principle applies here.
Look, I’m not going to parse through the content of what they’re accusing the other one of. It’s actually super nonsense and they both almost assuredly regret it. Basically, Theresa thinks Nany’s a bit too sexually fluid and Nany’s upset that Theresa isn’t just as secure about it as Nany is.
Regardless, the fact that they were shoved into the same world was probably not great for them, but it was absolutely fantastic for us viewers.
Loser: Resistance Bands
Bummer for us, we ended up getting the same elimination as we did last time. Not only that, but it basically played out the same way as the other one did. Johnny and Avery just did much better than Thomas and Haley. One quick aside, I always thought Thomas was underrated as a competitor. Between Haley and Simone he was stuck with some not super awesome teammates. I guess who really cares I’m sure he’s doing fine in life, I just wanted to get that out into the universe. Pick it up? Put it down? I don’t really give a shit. Moving on…
Loser: Ovarian Cancer
Ugh.
Winner: The President of Wyoming.
This is one of the greatest exchanges in history. I already broke this scene down in detail here, which brought me to this conclusion…
And it was at that moment when Zach fell in love. He knew for the rest of their lives, he would always mentally have the upper hand. It’s everything he ever wanted in a life partner.
What an unbelievable show this is.
Loser: Club Rat Jay
Just when I thought we were having fun, they had to go and end the episode like this. He’s the only thing more upsetting to me than that pizza from earlier.
Thanks for reading! We’ll see you next time on this Pluto Carousel we all hopped on. But until then, Happy Challenge watching!!!
