The Challenge USA Power Rankings — Weeks 1 & 2

Group G: It Was Nice To Meet You

— Tiffany, Cely, Cashel, Javonny —

Group F: When Did You Get Here?

— David —

Group E: Nany’s Never Won Anything Either, But She Still Matters

— Shannon, Kyra, Leo, Cashay, Shan, Cayla, James—

Group D: Danny’s Wife Kiki

— Danny’s Wife Kiki —

Group C: Frisky, But The Jury’s Still Out To Lunch

— Xavier, Cinco, Domenick, Derek, Ben, Danny, Enzo, Justine, Azah, Tasha, Alyssa —

Group B: Contenders, For Now

— Desi, Sarah, Angela, Kyland —

  • Desi has the most defined shoulders in this show’s illustrious history of shoulder definition.
  • Sarah mentioned that she ran seven marathons on seven continents in seven days. To which I would politely respond with, “chill out”. That’s some Jordan-level overachieving that makes normies like you and me look like complete assholes. I once ate at seven different Taco Bells in seven different Chicago neighborhoods over seven days. I’ll let you be the one to decide which of those Herculean feats of human willpower is more impressive.
  • Angela won the first competition, earned the stamp of approval from the guy coming up in the next group, and generally seems to have the respect of her peers. And, honestly, if she’s not in this group, she’s exuded such minimal charisma so far that I wouldn’t be shocked if she hooked up with David (not my Dad) and even the camera person had no interest in it.
  • Kyland has made it extremely clear that he did his homework, and so far is the only one who’s gotten to play a classic Challenge game when he emerged victorious from Knot So Fast. Plus his name sounds like that of a nautical explorer from the 1400s who stumbled upon a group of undiscovered islands only for the natives to systematically kill off his crew one by one and pillage all of their belongings.

Group A: The Clear Favorite

— Tyson —

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Brian Batty

Brian Batty

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Writing about MTV’s The Challenge, one of America’s great institutions, from a fan’s perspective. Inquires: WillaMediaManagement@gmail.com -Twitter: @TJsAirhorn