The Challenge: Spies, Lies & Allies Episode 2 Recap — Winners & Losers
Welcome back to Winners & Losers!!! What a week in Croatia. This season’s been a ton of fun, and I don’t see it slowing down any time soon. Inside this edition: Michele, Tori, CT, and myself show off our consistency, Big T and Emy save the world from aliens, Gabo shows Amber the ropes, and much, much more…
Loser: Ed’s Music Tastes
Anyone who says they listen to everything, usually doesn’t actually listen to anything. Also shout out to Gabo for asking the same first question that I ask people in this exact scenario. Well not exact scenario. I’ve never interviewed someone who is now my 36th roommate while holding a cup of coffee. The most roommates I’ve ever had was nine, plus I don’t drink coffee at night, so there’s that.
Loser: Double Agents
We had more fun in this ninety second montage than we were shown in the entirety of Double Agents. I bet everybody loved this part. I know I did. Shocking.
Loser: Michele’s Consistency
Which one is it? Just say he’s hot. You think he’s hot, he thinks you’re hot (sometimes the first one is much less important than the second one), just say it. Saying someone’s both mysterious and open means you have no clue what you like about them at all.
Winner: Tori’s Consistency
If I were Jordan, I wouldn’t be upset about my ex hooking up on TV. Who cares, she can do her own thing, I’m doing mine. Life moves one.
What I would be upset about is her hooking up with a guy who looks EXACTLY LIKE ME!
Loser: The Cleaning Crew (My Consistency)
I know I harp on this a lot. I know it. Believe me. I’m nothing if not unoriginal.
But the morning cleaning crew this season has their work cut out for them for sure. Is that a full pizza on the bottom right there? Imagine how sticky those floors are? Okay I’m moving on.
Winner: Nelson and Ashley
These two are both so level headed and rational, I don’t know what everybody’s freaking out about. No way they get into a shouting match at any point. Neither of them has ever been that person, why start now?
Winner: Leroy
Having to look at the whack ass line-ups all the guys are sporting just one week into this thing is making me miss Leroy more than I thought I ever could have.
Winner: CT’s Consistency
Backwards Hat Cocked To The Left Since 2003 Inc.
Winner: Helicopters
Outside of military veterans and the pilots who fly them, no one in the world has more experience with helicopters than the cast of The Challenge. NO ONE.
And yet, without fail, every single time they see one they all absolutely lose their minds. Maybe TJ ripping down the runway in a car that looks too expensive to even google the name of had something to do with it. I’ll tell you what though, in a joyless world, not a lot brings me more joy than seeing these jaded reality show people geek out about something so trivial.
Loser: Somebody’s Guilty Conscious
Which one of them do you think got super nervous cause they’ve been hoarding everyone’s unused Under Armor swag under their bed? My money’s on Emy. No idea why. Maybe it’s the blue hair.
Winner: Britney Spears
Winner: The Pyro Gal/Guy
In a show that has risen from the ashes of gratuitous explosions, never have there been explosions more gratuitous as the ones from last night.
Winner: Fat Joe
Loser: Heights
You suck, heights. Emy hates heights, I hate heights, I’m pretty sure Beyonce hates heights. You gonna go against Beyonce now? You got some nerve, heights.
Winner: Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum
Loser: Aneesa
Totally. What the hell are you talking about? What, like, force? Like the Force? Like the one Luke Skywalker has?
Seriously, Aneesa, what the hell are you talking about?
Winner: Confidence
Welp, guess we’re not doing the fly under the radar thing again this year. Heard that.
Winner: Ashley and Nelson
Seriously, I see babies and marriage in the future here. This has a great chance of lasting and not blowing up in anyone’s faces. Especially once there’s a long night of alcohol involved. No chance this doesn’t work out.
Loser: That Stupid Igloo From Last Season
Klub K0ViD 2.0 is a thousand times cooler than last season’s freezing cold garage party version.
Loser: Klub K0ViD Bartenders
I cannot imagine the cast is tipping very well. I guess at least they get to meet Nany. That’s kinda nice.
Winner: Nelson
Nelson, you’ve known her for like twenty minutes.
Winner: Ashley and Nelson
Well, I guess I can’t be right about everything.
Loser: Amber
Do you think this was the moment, standing next to Smashley, shouting about God knows what, that Amber regretted coming back? The moment where she thought to herself, you know what? I won some money, had a good time, took some helicopter rides, but do I really need all this in my life?
“Five hundred thousand dollars, five hundred thousand dollars, five hundred thousand dollars…..”
Loser: Kelz’z Free Time
Do you guys thinks Kelz works out?
Loser: Last Week’s High Score
“This is the room where we come to play games. My favorite is the one where you gotta swipe your finger across the screen to cut the fruit before it falls.”
“Yeah, thanks Gabo, got it.”
Winner: Johnny Bananas
Amber wearing a Banana on her shirt is completely meaningless, and I can’t even think of something clever to say. Just seemed topical. Right? No? Okay moving on.
Loser: Pity
First of all, shout out to Fessy for being like “hey guys we should probably talk to Tracy too instead of just indrectly talking about her.” I was wondering when her opinion was going to matter at all
But then she spoke. And it elicited the same reaction from the group as a husky/golden doodle mixed puppy pawing across the table would have. So, yeah, she’s got no shot.
Winner: Manners
We should be ashamed of ourselves, all of us, that it took this long for someone to properly address TJ by his government name, Mr. TJ.
Loser: Emy’s Childhood
She got voted into eliminations her whole childhood? Tough way to grow up. I just played a lot of basketball. I guess Cherry Valence was right. Things are rough all over, Ponyboy.
Loser: TJ’s Hype Man Prowess
I don’t know, Mr. TJ, Tracy doesn’t seem that scary.
Loser: The Overall IQ Level of the Average Challenger
Don’t blame Devin for trying to help Ed with something extremely obvious, blame all the other morons in the past who’ve needed help for obvious things. It wasn’t condescending, Devin’s just used to it.
Loser: Kelz
Kelz didn’t lose tonight because of the elimination, or Tracy, or because the house voted him in. Kelz lost because he hadn’t yet learned a valuable lesson.
Kelz thought that no matter what, regardless of politics, regardless of partners, he would be bigger and stronger than the guy opposite him. Which is probably true, but that’s not The Challenge. Kelz thought he won just by walking in the door. Ask CT how well that used to work for him.
Winner: Ed and Emy
By winning the elimination this week, Ed and Emy both earn their Gold Skulls and their ticket to TJ’s….oh shit that’s right we’re not doing that anymore. Moving on…
Winner: Learning to Let Go
Just based on how this has started, I feel like there’s gonna be new partners every week, and I don’t see any point in trying to keep up. Ignorance is bliss baby, and freedom is free. You just gotta let go, and let live. Or something like that.
Thanks for reading!!! Be sure to check back Sunday for a fresh batch of Power Rankings. And until then, as always, Happy Challenge Watching!!!
