The Challenge: Ride or Dies Power Rankings — Week 6

Welcome to a fresh batch of Power Rankings! It’s hard to believe, but we’re officially at a dozen eliminated contestants. And with only one rookie — rookie pair left, relationships are officially about to be tested. Inside this edition: The Axis powers fall, I unveil an exclusive behind the scenes look at Michele in the house, Ben Affleck tells Kaycee how we really feel, and much much more…

34) Sam (Eliminated)

33) Kailah (E)

32) Emmy (E)

31) Nam (E)

30) Timmy Try Hard (E)

29) Tamara (E)

28) Icarus (E)

27) Ravyn (E)

26) Tommy (E)

25) Analyse (E)

Let’s tip our drinks and pour one out for our first ten eliminated influencers. This will be their last appearance on this list. Mostly because typing out all these names every time would be obnoxious. Time dig in and ascertain whether there is any deeper meaning in who are the first ten eliminated.

Let’s start with the rookie-rookie teams, beginning with Ravyn and Johnny. Ravyn and Johnny came bursting out of the gate and won daily challenge number one. On first glance, that sounds like best case scenario. Nothing like staying safe and having a little power right off the bat. All winning really accomplished, though, was to accelerate their own mortality. Calling in Devin and Tori for interrogation may have seemed smart at the time. And it almost worked! They actually had to play for their place in the game. They won, but still, things almost came up all Ravyn and Johnny. Except things were mostly coming up Johnny. Ravyn…well Ravyn had a tough go of things.

Their inner turmoil was just another layer to their turbulent time here. Their real fate was sealed once Johnny and Nany arrived, followed by Jordan and Aneesa. Two veteran teams, that were told totally out of context that this new Johnny guy was going after the vets. It was a wrap from there.

Tommy and Analyse were…..well they arrived at least. Two of the more dramatic humans in a house full of drama-queens. Almost no matter the details, their fate was always to be krill stuck waiting to be consumed by one of the blue whale veterans. They say there are no small parts, just small actors, and this is applies here as well. The Challenge, like the ecosystem, needs krill as much as it needs the blue whales.

Sam became the first Brit to ever show up (Other than the one British guy who hated America and thought we were total rubbish during Season 2, though the game was much different then, so he doesn’t count. And then there was Jo on The Gauntlet 2, but she’s currently tied up in litigation with the island of Tobago, so I can’t legally comment on her.) solo. Sprinkle in his wife’s inability to create long lasted friendships within this show’s larger atmosphere, and he was stuck in a deep hole from the jump. Bet that appearance paycheck and the duffel bag of Under Armor swag was pretty cool, though. Silver linings and all that. Plus, his wife didn’t end up leaving him for Horacio, which almost certainly would have happened if Kailah were left to her own devices. So that’s a big win too.

Nam speaks for himself (I’m going to resist this time. As impossible as it is. I’m more than positive that I’ll bring him up organically sometime soon completely out of context. (EDITORS NOTE: He does)) and Emmy is further proof that the sequel is almost never as good as the original.

Which leaves us with Tamara and Timmy Try Hard. Turbo beyond spoke for himself this time around. Though we all may one day die before we ever see Turbo in a legitimate physical elimination. Which leads us to the obvious question, does anyone have eyes on Tamara? Like, can we all be sure that she’s alive? And somewhat related, free? Do her Instagram Reels look as though she’s reading off a script? Check mirrors or reflections for ne’er-do-wells pointing assault rifles at her head just off the frame, sometimes kidnappers can get sloppy. Especially Turkish ones. I would know. Maybe I’ll tell you the story of my life from the ages of 12–14 one day.

Not that I really care, overall, I got enough problems in my life to spend any time worrying about Tamara. But anything I can do to help in matters. I’ve been blessed to have a platform, at minimum nineteen people read these every week, so it’s imperative that I use it to spread the word on important issues.

And now, a special tribute to our fallen Challengers…

24) Kim (LW: 16)

You know, deep down, what the funniest part of this whole Kim experience is?

He was on five episodes and contributed about a thousand times more than Nam ever has over three seasons. With that said, why do I feel like when the Season 39 cast list drops, we’ve got a better chance of seeing Nam‘s name than Kim’s?

Yo, save Kim. Honestly. Kim rocks, I want to see what he’s like with a little more freedom of movement. Maybe unleash some single men who write “tall blondes with accents” into the box next to “What’s your ideal type?” on their reality television application upon the house for him to use and abuse (Although, is he single? I have no idea. If he’s not, let’s change that. How do I get somebody to spread a rumor to break them up? I’m no good at any of this. Tweet us @fessyfitness if you have any ideas.) and let him get messy.

He’s as tall as Victor Wembanyama, sufffered through boring grandparents as a child, and did more to rehab Germany’s image in America than any single human other than maybe Heidi Klum. He arrived looking exactly like a member of a fictional family that was simultaneously under a big budget microscope on Premium Sunday Night HBO Programming. Which made writing unfunny jokes easy peasy for a third rate Challenge blogger such as myself. He arrived on third base and managed to score twice.

I’m sure there’s some planet or moon in some stage of retrograde that allowed him and his partner Colleen to cannonball into our lives. Wonderbar job by whoever the hell in the casting department found them flying high above the atmosphere. Their presence will be missed. At least by me. But mostly by Fessy.

Auf Wiedersehen. Save Kim.

23) Colleen (LW: 15)

She began the season lying to everyone about being on The Mole, and she ended the season lying to herself about liking Fessy. Classic sunrise, sunset narrative structure. Like any good German novel, really.

No one, though, had more fun while they were in that house than Colleen did. There’s something to be said for that. This show, this game, this arena, it’s supposed to be fun. We all loved watching people like Coral and Mark Long and Veronica have fun, that’s the whole reason this show was built. Because we wanted to watch these people beyond their Real World/Road Rules season. The show has obviously evolved in so many unpredictable ways since that seed of an idea was planted. But that principle remains, we just want to watch our friends have fun.

I don’t know if it was the German in her or not, but it was clear that Colleen understood that. Save Colleen.

22) Kenny (LW: 24)

Anyone who actually likes country music is going to hate what I’m about to say next, (as well as anyone who clicked this link for serious Challenge analysis (Analyse?)) but I’m super into this new version of country music, where it’s actually just rap music except for suburban mothers aren’t afraid of it. I think it’s some of the funniest music ever made. In the same way Adam Sandler used to make me laugh with Lunchlady Land records, Florida Georgia Line now gives me that same feeling.

You would be hard pressed to find something funnier on YouTube, intentional or otherwise, than the official music video for the remix to their song called Cruise.

I may hyperbolize a lot around here, but believe me when I say I listen to this song when I’m sad, and a smile instantly appears on my face. It’ll never fail to make me laugh. It’s legitimately one of the most insulting songs ever made, and I am obsessed with it. There has never been a more plastic, manufactured by an algorithm song produced. The oral history would be three pages long. Florida, the lead singer/only guy who does anything, sang his parts on some microphone at his humongous ranch occupying land in some red state somewhere. Nelly showed up to the studio for fifteen minutes, rapped lyrics off a piece of paper handed to him by some producer, and then left with a bag full of money. Some underpaid engineer threw it all together, washed it with some auto tune, Beethovan rolled over in his grave, and voila, we got ourselves a hit record.

One of the guys in Florida Georgia Line, the one named Georgia, genuinely does nothing. He doesn’t sing. He doesn’t actually play the guitar that’s on the tracks. Florida does it all. He’s my favorite person on the planet. No one lives a better life than this guy. Georgia exists to be a handsome country mannequin and he is sooooo rich and famous and happy and free to do whatever the fuck he wants, which is so over-the-top disheartening that it’s actually hilarious.

Don’t worry, I’m going to land this plane.

There is one song though, that fits this undercover hip-hop-country genre that’s authentically creative though. I heard it one time in my girlfriend’s car and it’s stuck with me ever since. It’s a song called Shut Up Kenny by some gentleman named Walker Hayes. It’s a song about constantly hearing Kenny Chesney songs on the radio and being reminded of heartbreak from his past.

I did it, you guys. I landed the plane. What? Did you expect me to talk about the Kenny that’s apparently on The Challenge this season?

How?

How would you like me to do that?

No, I mean, really. What is there to say? Even if he were having threesomes with Aneesa and Horacio, or throwing Nany’s suitcase in the pool, or any other wacky adventure, I’d have no idea. The camera is allergic to him.

If you have any suggestions to put in the Kenny space instead of my musings on modern country music, go ahead and tweet us @fessyfitness. We’ll be sure to ignore it, roll our windows down, and cruuuuuiiiisseeeeee.

21) Chauncey B. (LW: 22)

Take this for what it’s worth, but several sources I’ve spoken to in production have told me that the true story behind the emo party is that ever since Chauncey B. found out that Amber forgot to record The Masked Singer before they left, he’s been acting and dressing emo. All this despite having never even heard of My Chemical Romance. And so this entire party was merely just a gesture to make a rookie feel more included. To get him back ingratiated with the house. Everyone feels bad, obviously, who would forget to record The Masked Singer? But, they just feel like he’s being over-the-top. Again, I want to reiterate, this is just what I’ve been told by anonymous sources. Don’t shoot the messenger if this all turns out to be untrue.

20) Moriah (LW: 21)

Normally, when a rookie woman starts some sort of situation-ship with a hardened veteran like Johnny, one of the major perks is that it usually comes with camera time attached. A story line to buoy your Challenge character perhaps.

This time around, it’s having the exact opposite effect. Imagine working at a movie theater and not being able to get to see movies for free? Or working for Pepsi and paying for soda? If Moriah hadn’t won that daily challenge a few weeks ago, there’s a good chance that even Kenny would have more confessionals than her to this point.

Okay, you’re right, I’ll stop being ridiculous. But this situation does conjure the obvious chicken or the trampoline conundrum. Is Moriah getting no camera time because she’s boring or is it because she’s spending so much time with Johnny and his energy is blanketing her potential to shine?

Okay, fine, you’re right again. It’s definitely the first one. Her being Faysal’s Ride or Die is starting to make total sense. Just a couple introverts choppin it up. What do they talk about? Like, when they’re in the between time after ordering their food and waiting for it’s arrival, what are their conversations like? Do they talk exit strategies for the Middle East?

Yeah, you’re right for the third time, they probably just stare at their phones and show each other memes.

19) Nurys (LW: 2)

And there’s a better than fifty percent chance that Nelson took her to Burger King afterwards, ordered onion rings, lost all his coins in that spinny game next to the register despite promising that he “totally has a system”, got frustrated, asked for a crown, and wore it for the remainder of their date, so this challenge really must have been full circle for the two of them.

18) Amber (LW: 14)

I will be endlessly fascinated by Amber’s existence on this show. She was a c-level character on Double Agents, the proverbial tree in the school play. Her time there was defined by being initially paired with a Hall of Famer, going into Hall Brawls against Big T and Other Amber as her only hurdles towards the finish line, and generally not being involved in any story lines.

Even when confronted by her peers, like other Amber and Theresa, she remained stoic and took bullets without bleeding. Then, all of a sudden, it was the Final and she was still hanging around. And she was CT’s partner. And then she won. Easily. It all sort of just happened. It was Christmas without a tree. 4th of July without America. Pomp without circumstance. Despite Double Agents lasting 17(!) episodes before the Final started, her presence was hardly felt.

But she did win, which is something that so many Challenge people who are intergalactically more integral to the zeitgeist cannot say. Something that those same people deep down want so effing bad. And even if they don’t care about the victory itself, then they’re certainly envious of the giant check she cashed.

Heading into Spies, Lies, & Allies, she wasn’t even on the main cast. She was an alternate, who eventually showed up to the house saying “The Champ is here!”. A level of earned confidence I thought she would carry with her throughout the season. But that was the highest it ever got. She went into the house trying to make friends with all of the wrong people, absorbing every rebuff as if it were a slight on her personal character, and eventually floundered under the pressure of a tight knit group of friends who were all slightly jealous of her success and saw Amber as a representation of what they had yet to achieve, rather than an actual human being.

Now? Now, I don’t even know what to make of her. Technically, outside of Veronica, she has as many championship belts as any other woman in the house. Her bona fides may not be as impressive as Kaycee’s on paper. Nor will she ever match Laurel’s level of chutzpah. And her daily challenge performances leave a lot to be desired.

So what is she? Which Challenge lane is she occupying?

Great point Nehemiah. I think it’s time that Challenge fans and Amber work together to discover her “why”.

17) Sad Boy Horacio (LW: 12)

16) Olivia (LW: 11)

The unfortunate demise of the leader of the Axis powers leaves Olivia and her partner as the final rookie/rookie survivors. Not only that, their only allies remaining are Michele and Jay, a team who just took a gasoline shower and stuffed their pockets with kerosene soaked rags. And then Nelson and Nurys, whose monumental win, by the end of the season, may only wind up representing a beacon of hope for the blind squirrel community.

This game is structured in a way (at least for now, we all know something’s going to change) that forces those in power to make four teams vulnerable of being sent home, or at least having to earn their keep. Colleen and Kim found themselves as the free space on the bingo card this entire season. Olivia and Horacio weren’t far behind, and now most likely slide into that same role.

No team remaining, outside of Jay/Michele, Nelson/Nurys, and of course themselves, would not use the free space on their Bingo card when the time comes. They got a chance to wear street clothes to elimination night for the first time all season, and I hope they’re internally satisfied with their outfits, odds are they’ll be ensconced in layers Under Armor the rest of the way.

15) Darrell (LW: 17)

The natural question to ask about Darrell at this point in his Challenge life, outside of All-Stars at least, is why? Why keep coming back? Especially this season, being partnered with Veronica, why even bother?

Now the real answer is that his appearance check had the correct number written into the ‘Pay To The Order Of’ portion. But let’s try and be a little less cynical for a second.

He’s not here for fame. He’s been there done that. He’s got a life, a family, a business, he’s not here searching for something. Some of these people are adrenaline junkies and this is one of the only ways they know how to get the fix. That most certainly isn’t Darrell. Has his mind been so warped by this show that the only way he can get sleep is if he’s laying in a twin bed surrounded by multiple other people?

But I think the real question, beyond any of those, is why not?

Why not keep coming back to this madness? It’s not as if the mental stressors inherent to this game are tearing him down and he’s putting himself in shaky positions. There hasn’t been a Challenge person in the history of this show that defines “chillin” more than late-career Darrell.

Life can be pretty boring sometimes. Wake up, work, home, sleep, repeat. You really have to force yourself out of the routine eventually. Darrell gets to shake that routine up constantly. He gets the opportunity to participate in something more unique and exciting than anything me or you are going to do any time soon. So in the words of my favorite Canadian poet, fuck it, yolo.

14) Veronica (LW: 18)

13) Aneesa (LW: 13)

The duality of the human condition.

When you work with someone long enough, a level of loyalty naturally builds. It’s nothing that you put effort into, time does all the labor. Veronica and Aneesa have been, in a way, co-workers for almost two decades. That’s a lot of sweat equity. That’s a lot of time labor in laying a foundation of loyalty.

Veronica and Aneesa both understood this idea. Their actions both stemmed from this place of time loyalty. But, because human’s are complex creatures, they approached it two different ways.

On one hand, Veronica, while being one of the pillars on which this franchise was built, doesn’t have roots as deep into the game as she once did. Aneesa, on the other hand, couldn’t be more ingratiated into the social pipeline. Between her run of seasons with seemingly no end and hosting the official Challenge Podcast, you’d be hard pressed to find someone with a wider social net.

Aneesa has continued to stand on that foundation of time loyalty, whereas Veronica just stepped back on. How is she to know that it even still exists? Or rather, how is she to know that Aneesa knows it exists. Then on the flip side of that coin, Aneesa is so used to her peers knowing where she stands with them and they with her, that she didn’t even consider to reach that same level of understanding with Veronica. She was under the impression that the understanding was done years ago.

I can’t quite figure out which of these is more true. Did Aneesa purposely not say anything to Veronica about this time loyalty, because she knew Veronica would have to come to her out of necessity at some point? Or did Veronica wait it out, knowing that she could confront Aneesa in a group setting, where she had the full attention of the house, to essentially forward this idea of time loyalty to everyone else in the house. Both exposing Aneesa and opening the door to anyone who wants in with her the rest of the way.

You’d be hard pressed to find any unscripted, or even scripted for that matter, entertainment entity involving interpersonal relationships as complex and long lasting as Veronica and Aneesa. The Challenge is unique in that way. You can’t buy time loyalty, after all.

12) Nelson (LW: 1)

Don’t look now, but Nelson is on a one daily challenge losing streak. Just something to keep your eye on moving forward.

11) Jakk With Two K’s (LW: 23)

Jakk seems to be a pretty docile person, emotionally. At least based on the meticulous edit five episodes into a season of reality television that I’ve seen of him. He’s more of the let my hair, fashion, etc. tell my story type of person. I respect that a lot. I wish I spoke less. I’m all auditory over here.

Which is why his primal outburst after winning his first ever elimination round made me all warm and fuzzy inside.

I’ve talked about this here before, specifically after Nia’s elimination round on All-Stars 3. But I am truly fascinated by just how deep the emotions can run after an elimination round on this show. All sense of self erodes and these people become almost animalistic in their reactions in victory.

I truly have no interest in participating in this show. Almost nothing about it seems appealing to me. Except for one thing. I want to feel that feeling, that pure rage and adrenaline, one gets after winning an elimination round. I want to know what it’s like to throw my inhibitions to the wind, to kill my ego, to become the purest version of myself, to allow the darkness to overcome me, but only for a moment. I want to feel that crash too. I want to feel that emptiness afterwards knowing that I simultaneously never want to feel that way again, and that I cannot wait to get back.

10) Jay (LW: 20)

This is the exact guy the emo girls always chose over normcore me in high school.

Maybe that’s why I can’t vibe with Jay’s Challenge character that much. He’s the victim of residual effects of teenage rejection which has now created a subconscious vendetta (lol) against some guy named after the 10th letter in the alphabet. Except he’s normally not dressed like this.

Welp, back to the drawing board I guess.

9) Michele (LW: 19)

After many rounds of negotiating (I now owe MTV quite a few of my kidneys) I’ve obtained exclusive, unaired, behind-the-scenes footage of Michele floundering around the house last week…

8) Kaycee Hunting (LW: 6)

And now, the transcript of an excerpt from the film Good Will Hunting:

Oh, I don’t know that? Let me tell you what I do know. Every few months a new Challenge season starts and you’re there. And us fans at home, we watch the episodes we have a few drinks and a few laughs, and it’s great. You know what the best part of my year is? It’s for about 10 seconds from when I click the link for the new Challenge cast to when it finally loads on my ancient laptop. Because I think maybe it’ll pop up there and I’ll scroll down the page and you won’t be there. No goodbye, no see you later, no nothin’. Just left. I don’t know much, but I know that.

7) Mature Nany (LW: 10)

6) Banana (LW: 7)

Last week was the best chance the house has had, so far, to rid themselves of Nany and Johnny. Nobody knows that more than they do.

Their relationships run too deep. They are too competent in daily challenges. They’re too strong an ally to have. The amount of ‘too’s’ that come CC’ed on every intra-house elimination decision e-mail chain are almost endless for these two.

This realization will pop up in someone’s mind though. Maybe the fact that they dodged the bullet is the only reason someone will re-load the gun. This might be the catalyst someone needs to finally point out the Boogey Man. Jay and Michele could win again next week and correct their mistake. It’s not inevitable.

The clock’s ticking, though.

5) Jordan (LW: 4)

One hand, huh? Meh. Not impressed. Call me when he rows a boat with one arm.

4) Devin (LW: 8)

3) Tori (LW: 5)

I think that all you need to know, outside of a minor hiccup right off the bat, regarding what kind of place these two occupy on the social/political/whateverical house hierarchy, is that when Michele and Jay did their Sideshow Bob routine, the fact that they didn’t choose Johnny and Nany was the biggest issue over anything else.

You know who’s names weren’t even an option for anyone? For anyone to complain about, for Michele and Jay to even say, for really anyone to bring up once? Tori and Devin. Devin’s track record in Final Challenges isn’t the greatest, but you’ve gotta figure that by now he’s tired of third place and has been running and running and running. They’re as much of a Boogey Man as Johnny and Nany are. And they’re doing one hell of a job deflecting that.

2) Faysal (LW: 3)

Fessy’s Fortitude Episode 2 Recap:

— This episode is titled “Working out (consistency)”. Respecting punctuation, unlike slangin dick, is seemingly not in his bag.

— We got some intro music! It’s some generic hip-hop beat that I’m almost positive he’s playing off of his phone speaker into the microphone. Fantastic start.

— His buddy David (not my Dad) is back! I’m not sure if this is a permanent co-host or he just couldn’t book anyone else. I guess we’ll have to stay tuned.

— He says “if you didn’t already know I played college ball”. I had no idea, so that’s good he reminded me.

— David (not my Dad) says that to keep consistent working out, you have to “find your why”. Which is perfect, because now I get to use that Nehemiah picture I used for the Amber section earlier. I don’t even have a funny joke or anything, I’m just gonna put that picture up. Okay…here I go…

Totally.

— This episode is really difficult to make fun of because basically they’re just giving good advice about working out. Being consistent, switching things up, setting goals, yada yada yada. It’s not like it’s interesting or anything, it’s just generic working out tips and tricks.

Welp…this bit might be dying on the vine a little bit. Let me check what the next episode is…..oh my….the next episode is titled “Reality TV vs Real Life”…and his guest???…..Josh effing Martinez.

I can’t think of two people I’d rather hear talk about the nuances of how real life and reality TV are different. See you all next week!

1) Laurel (LW: 9)

Michelangelo with sixteen different chapels. Mr. Feeny with a classroom. Kevin Durant with a basketball. Marie Curie with a beaker. Michele Carter with a cell phone. Stone Cold Steve Austin with a beer can. Challenge USA cast with a platform to complain on. Drunk me with a food delivery app.

Laurel in an elimination round.

Witnessing greatness, while living in a world teeming with propped up mediocrity, is a sight to cherish. To be appreciated. To be fondly remembered upon your death bed, being grateful for having had the privilege to watch unfold live.

Right, Laurel?

Viva La Real World!!!

Thanks for reading!!! See you back here after Episode 6 for Winners and Losers!!! And, until then, as always, Happy Challenge Watching!!!