The Challenge: Double Agents Power Rankings — Week 2
With two and a half hours of Challenge programming last week, there was a lot to take in. So I took the weekend to let a fresh batch of power rankings marinate. This week we bury a champ, Aneesa shoots her shot, I get sonned by someone on Reddit, Lolo wears a bra over her shirt, and we have a brand new number one.
30) Ashley (Eliminated)
Sayonara Smashley. See you in like ten months.
29) Josh (Last Week: 20)
Here’s how I think it went down. A producer’s niece came up with the stealing money idea. Somewhere during pre-production for Rivals 3, this idea cemented itself and they began playing out all the scenarios. The consensus was clear, Bananas was the only one who was a shitty enough person to do it. So I wouldn’t say they gave him the win, but it was clear from casting on that they had that end game….Oh yeah, Josh. He’s got a good partner, for now at least.
28) Jacob (LW: Not Ranked)
Yeah, sure, like you’ve never taken a nap at a club in Iceland while you and twenty nine other people film a reality show in the midst of a global pandemic. Get off your high horse, yuppie.
27) Amber M. (LW: NR)
26) Amber B. (LW: NR)
We got a brief shot of Kaycee talking game with a.k.a. hitting on Amber B. at Klub K0ViD, so for that reason alone she’s the early front runner in this season’s twelfth most interesting subplot, the Battle of the Amber's.
25) Gabby (LW: NR)
24) Liv (LW: NR)
Not a lot of the time for these two either with the initial spotlight directly on the big dogs. Women cast mates from the UK haven’t let me down yet, so I imagine one or both of them will be shouting at someone in barely legible English soon enough.
23) Lio (LW: NR)
According to this, CT is 6'1" 240 pounds. That means for work Lio flips guys that are 12'2" and 480 pounds. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to see that.
22) Mechie (LW: NR)
I feel like we’d be buddies. We’d crush a summertime patio lunch. Just a couple bros grabbin’ grub, shootin’ the shit, talkin’ sports.
21) Devin (LW: 17)
While I’m sure he never shuts up in real life, at this point for him, the quieter he is, the better his game will be.
20) Double 0 Nelly T (LW: 7)
Bury me in that fit.
Drip: 10/10
Ability to give oneself a silly nickname: 10/10
Chances to compete this season now that the dust has settled: 2/10
19) Nam (LW: NR)
You’re right Nam, TJ does mean danger. More danger than you know.
18) Big T (LW: 19)
Forgetting her partner’s name is truly pantheon level stuff. Never change Big T.
17) Aneesa (LW: 18)
It took Aneesa almost two decades to finally get some real power in this game, and she had no intentions on letting it go to waste. She gobbled up Fessy with first pick of the litter. And she shot poison arrows directly into the hearts of her veteran brethren, CT and Wes.
If I were Aneesa? After I saw the CT/Ashley vote, I would have approached Wes and tried drawing up a long term deal. If he said no, cool go down there and good luck with CT. I’m on my last legs, I got no time to fuck around. If he said yes, you throw Lolo and Nam down there and let two top teams duke it out.
But I’m just a guy with a blog so what do I know.
16) Kyle (LW: 13)
15) Nany (LW: 15)
Why?! Why would the universe pair these two up when neither of them is single? How much sense does that make? Whatever…I’ll get over it.
14) Jay (LW: 12)
13) Theresa (LW: 14)
If the criteria were which team you’d most like to smoke a bowl and surf a wave with, they’d be much higher on the list.
12) Cory (LW: 10)
11) Tori (LW: 9)
The two of them are going to be relentless with the Challenge Platitudes in their confessionals.
“I need this win.”
“You can’t trust anyone in this game.”
“This is the craziest (insert event here) in the history of The Challenge.”
I’m already tired.
10) Leroy (LW: 11)
This is how I want it to end for Leroy. He’s never been Michael Jordan, always more of a Scottie Pippen. But if my guy’s gonna call his shot, I hope it ends up looking like this. Including coming back in three years to play for the Wizards.
9) Kaycee (LW:16)
Last week in this space, I asked readers to explain the appeal of Kaycee to me. Kind Redditor NovaRogue laid out the case:
Kaycee brings to the show athletic pedigree (she’s a professional football player and won a collection of comps on BB, not to mention getting 2nd on her first challenge season), Big Brother viewer numbers (since she won BB20, one of the best modern seasons), and diversity (as a queer woman of colour). she’s not an exciting personality but I totally get why she’s on a second season.
The lesson, as always, I’m an idiot.
8) Darrell (LW: 1b)
No matter how the rest of the game shakes out, the thing that will bother him the most is Natalie choosing Wes over him.
7) Nicole (LW: 5)
Deep in the midst of an endless Icelandic mountain range, a young girl heads into the field to gather rations for her family’s breakfast. She whistles to herself while she milks the cows and gathers a bushel of fresh eggs. Suddenly, on her journey home, she’s silenced by a mysterious sound in the distance.
A lone egg falls from her arms as she scans the horizon, gently crashing upon the grass below.
Echoing through the mountains is a sound so strange, so bizarre, it is impossible to understand.
‘LOWLOW! LOWLOW! LOWLOW!’
Defeated, she scurries home. The bewildered child skips breakfast, determined to unlock the meaning of this message sent from the Gods.
6) Wes (LW: 8)
5) Natalie (LW: NR)
Once she gets settled in and realizes hanging upside down like a sausage link is pretty standard Challenge fare, she and Wes are going to win a TON. Unless she gets poached, they look like the team to beat.
4) Fessy (LW: 4)
Fessy’s a guy who’s enjoyed the spoils of his body his whole life. Being as large as him brings with it a handful of advantages. You can always see at concerts. People are genuinely nicer to you. You can see how dirty the top of everyone’s refrigerators are (I’m Fessy’s height, I promise yours is worse than you think).
But on this day, the day Aneesa got to pick partners first, he hated every inch of it.
3) Lolo (LW: 21)
I’m torn. One one hand, she’s on such a higher level athletically than her competition that it’s legitimately frightening. On the other hand, she wore this outfit on purpose. So it’s like, I don’t know. Ya know?
2) CT (LW: 1a)
You come at the king, you best not miss. Speaking of…
1) Kam (LW: 6)
Maybe I underestimated Amber M. Watch your back, Kam.
In case you missed it, click here to check out my Winner’s and Losers from episode one. And be sure to check back Wednesday, when you’ll find my thoughts on what to look for in Episode 2.
