The Challenge Double Agents Power Rankings — Week 14

Welcome back to another fresh batch of Power Rankings. I’m glad we’ve all fixed out sleep schedules and recovered from a night of hell/watching Leroy and Kaycee do it. So now that we’ve all had some rest, let’s dig into this week’s edition. Inside: Gabby escapes, Amber ponders life, and we motherbleepin party…

20) Mechie (Eliminated)

19) Theresa (E)

18) Amber M. (E)

17) Lolo (E)

16) Josh (E)

15) Devin (E)

14) Nam (E)

13) Gabby (LW: 12)

Hey guys, first time caller long time listener, what do you think Gabby was more excited for…getting her phone back to see how poppin her IG is or to be finally getting away from Fessy? I’ll hang up and listen.

Play her out gentlemen, she had one heck of a run…

12) Big T (LW: 11)

Back in seventh grade my best friend was grounded for almost the entire first semester of the school year. I was the only one still allowed at his house so we played a lot of NBA Street Vol. 2 together.

But when all the neighborhood kids would hang out and play sports and what not, he literally would sit in front of his bedroom window and watch us. It was sort of sad back then, and super hilarious now.

I have to imagine Big T felt a little like that watching all of her friends eat testicles and drink yellow water.

11) Cory (LW: 13)

The only thing worse than Cory’s inability to throw up anywhere but all over himself is his haircut.

One of my mindsets when I watch this show is I sort of mentally herd the cast into two groups. Group One consists of “I would be happy if this person won” and Group Two is “I really don’t want this person to win”

For example, this season Leroy is obviously in Group One and Fessy is leading Group Two. I say all that to say this, Cory has always since the beginning has been in Group One for me. So that’s why I hate being negative about him at all. He’s always been easy to root for, at least for me. And maybe the reason I feel this way is because he’s been floating in the wind all season as far as partnership goes. But I can’t help but just wonder what Cory’s doing here outside of showing up.

He’s like the Cincinnati Reds at this point. They’re on your schedule so you have to play them but it’s like, who cares, ya know?

10) Aneesa (LW: 9)

It’s gonna be real funny when the Final is just one big long puzzle and all those idiots who did all that running will feel real stupid with their sore feet and their torn up knee cartilage.

Suckers.

9) Amber (LW: 8)

“I don’t know doc, I just feel like once I conquered all the other Ambers in the house, I feel like I’ve totally lost my sense of self. I feel like everything I’ve worked for up to this point has been for nothing. My whole life has been dedicated to vanquishing all other Ambers in my path, and now that I’ve done it, what was it all for? I don’t know doc, I just need some help. What do I do next? Where do I go from here? I’m lost. Please, just point my compass in the right direction.”

“Yeah I don’t know what any of that means, do you want soup or salad for your side?”

“What’s the soup?”

“Tomato”

“I’ll have the salad, thanks.”

8) Kyle (LW: 5)

If I ever got a Challenge related tattoo, I’m not kidding when I say it might be “Oh, hey, Aneesa”

It’s also possible that I’ve just had a few cups of coffee and I’m c getting all of my bad ideas out for the day. I guess we’ll all just have to wait and see.

7) Mature Nany (LW: 10)

NAAAANNNNYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

2021 is our year! No Days Off!!! We built different!!!!

Dustin Zito stand up!!! Jonna! Jasmine! Jemmye!!! I need all my Rivals 2 hunnies to report to the dance floor!!! WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE CALL ADAM ROYER!!!!

Kaycee? Kaycee schmaycee. Kam? Who’s Kam?! Aneesa? See ya later. Amber? Eat my dust. Big T? More like Little T! Can I get an Amen!!!

TO THE BREAK OF DAWN YO!!!!

6) Darrell (LW: 4)

Shout out to Darrell for stirring the pot as much as he knows how. I do slightly fear that this weeks sixty minute episode rather than the usual ninety was a sign from the Challenge Gods that the pot stirring might be held to a minimum now the Devin left and took all the ladles.

5) Fessy (LW: 7)

Totally.

4) Kaycee (LW: 6)

2,580 minutes.

No, I’m not singing the Rent soundtrack. That’s the amount of TV minutes Kaycee has been a participant on The Challenge. That’s also the same number of minutes it took MTV to FINALLY edit in some of her personality

Her balls joke, while crass and a bit on the nose, was the first time that Kaycee has made me emote in any meaningful way.

I guess we all have an adjustment period.

3) Leroy (LW: 3)

Imagine if Leroy started applying himself to this game like eight years ago instead of on his last ride.

2) Kam (LW: 2)

A few birds sing to each other as the sun just begins poking it’s head out, enveloping suburban Houston in a warm orange blanket.

It’s Christmas morning and two lucky kids, John and Nany rush into their living room. Little do their parents know, but these two precocious youngsters found the stash of presents in the basement weeks ago.

“That PlayStation 11 isn’t gonna play itself!” is what they’d joke to each other in private.

The parents are already awake, used to this holiday song and dance by now. It’s been eight years since Nany was born, and John came quickly after that. It’s been a long winding road, but Leroy and Kam have found themselves in the midst of suburban, family bliss and a life full of joy and laughter and really good haircuts.

Their children’s smiles get wider with the opening of each gift. Kam and Leroy gently embrace, proudly overlooking of the life they’ve built together.

Presents were played with, and breakfast was had. Now that things have settled down, the two parents sit quietly in the living room excitedly reading the books that they gifted each other. Nany’s always been the more inquisitive child, and today was no different. suddenly she burst into the room and plopped herself onto Leroy’s lap. A proud father beamed with excitement and his book went crashing to the floor.

“Dad, tell me what it was like when you and mom were first dating. What kinds of things do adults do when they’re falling in love.”

Kam and Leroy look to one another with the same look they’ve given across the room at countless parties and deliberation rooms in years past. Just as Kam turns to her daughter, young John runs into the room.

“Oh I wanna hear!! Whatever it is I wanna hear!!!” and he hops into his mom’s now outstretched arms.

“Alright I got a story for you two, but you have to pay close attention”, Kam says.

Nany and John are locked in. They’ve seen some stuff on the internet about their parents former lives, but they’ve never gotten them to actually talk about it out loud.

Kam laughs a bit to herself, leans back and sighs. Leroy starts fiddling with Nany’s hair.

“Let me tell you about the time I used the excess juices from half eaten ram testicles to solve rudimentary math problems with my finger so your dad and someone named Kaycee could become the Double Agents”

1) CT (LW: 1)

You know what? What’s to be written about CT that hasn’t already been written? Who am I to think I can come up with anything new to say about the mythical creature that is CT.

Fuck it…

We partying today!

NANYS GOING TO TJ’S FINAL!!!!

Hear that TJ?? Hurricane Nany is coming for you!!!!

DEVIN!! CAN I GET A LETS GO?!!!?

LETS GOOOOOOOOOO

I NEED ALL MY FELLAS TO THE DANCE FLOOR IMMEDIATELY!!!! IT’S A HOT GIRL SUMMER SO YOU KNOW SHE GOT IT LIT!!!!

NAM!!! TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!!!! WES!!! LEAVE YOUR SHIRT ON!!! GOT A WHOLE LOTTA OPTIONS SO YOU KNOW THIS SHIT POPPIN!!!!!

AND WILL SOMEBODY CALL ADAM ROYER!!!!!!!!!!

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Writing about MTV’s The Challenge, one of America’s great institutions, from a fan’s perspective. For inquires: brianbatty14@gmail.com

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Brian Batty

Brian Batty

Writing about MTV’s The Challenge, one of America’s great institutions, from a fan’s perspective. For inquires: brianbatty14@gmail.com

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