The Challenge: Double Agents Final Part One Recap — Winners & Losers

Welcome back to another edition of Winners & Losers! We’re halfway through the Final and things are as jumbled and undefined as ever. Inside this week: Cory and Mufasa’s brother share some real estate, Nany’s smoked one too many heaters, Amber goes to the prom, and much much more…

Winner: Rick James

Loser: Cory’s Other Seven Partners

What a wasteland of broken dreams. That’s what was in the dark area Mufasa told Simba he wasn’t allowed to go. Screw the dead mammoth bones and hyenas. The real terror is a montage of Cory’s fallen partners from this season.

Loser: Expectations

Wanna make the Challenge Gods laugh? Tell them your plans. Be careful out there buddy.

Winner: The Fresh Prince

Loser: Klub K0ViD

Get the eff out of my life. Like that hometown bar with the same people having the same conversations as they were ten years ago, I cannot wait to never go back again.

Winner: Overbearing Emotions

Dude I seriously felt that. Even if for whatever ungodly reason you may have found you do not like Leroy. Like do not like him and actually wish him harm. Even if you’re at that level, you had to have felt that.

Winner: Unpredictability

Even the most wide-eyed and virginal Challenge fan among us can almost always predict who’s going to win in the Final. It’s usually pretty spelled out. There’s obvious exceptions, and in case people haven’t seen certain season I won’t explicitly spoil any of them here. But just do a mental excersice or even go on Wikipedia and think how many times the best player/team that season didn’t win?

…

…

…

It’s not a ton, right?

This time though, I genuinely have no idea. At the starting gate, with all four teams standing there, I was able to make a case in my head for how all four teams could sneak out a victory.

Loser: Marlboro Lungs in Cold Air

While I made a pact with my best friend that we’d never smoke cigarettes because then we’d never make the NBA (and I’m still only one, small, seven inch growth spurt away!), I have been around smokers all my life. Between parents, sister, friends, roommates, girlfriends, it’s always been in my life.

And going outside to join them during a smoke break on a frigid Chicago February night, breathing in that piercing cold air, well I’ve heard some strange sounds coming out of people in my day.

Nany’s struggle is my struggle at this point in our lives, so I’m really feeling for her on this icey cold run.

Loser: The Equipment Manager

Did they mix up Kaycee and Kam’s helmets? Why is Kaycee looking like Smalls from The Sandlot and Kam looks like Arnold from Hey Arnold? Can we fix this?

This isn’t the first time they’ve made an appearance on the loser side of this recap. I still think about when they gave CT Amber M’s old helmet for his elimination against Josh from time to time.

Loser: Deuteranopia

Shout out to 8% of guys, .5% of women and the rest of my color blind homies that laughed watching this mini break out challenge knowing how little of a chance we’d have at this.

Callbacks to daily challenges during the Final is always a favorite of mine. Anytime they incorporate the actual season into the Final is a cool way to bring it all back around and come full circle. But I do enjoy they went allll the way back to the jump for this one.

Winner: Gratuitous Arson

The following is a transcript of a recorded conversation in the production office between an anonymous executive and the pyrotechnic coordinator during the set-up of the Final. This is sensitive information that I worked hard and pulled a ton of favors to unearth…

“Listen, Janet, we need you to set up a few more explosions.”

“Okay, Mark, I’d love to. I really would. I love blowing shit up. We don’t have any money left. The company card is maxed out, and to be honest I’m spending the last five dollars of petty cash on a bagel at the airport.”

“Yeah but like, on that Mythbusters show they make explosions out of all sorts of things.”

“You want me to make an unregulated bomb potentially putting cast and crew in harms way.”

“Well no, but, you know…”

“Know what, Mark?”

“You know.”

“I do not.”

“Okay well I can’t tell you to do what you just said. I can only suggest that you find solutions to the problems in front of us.”

“So make fake bombs, got it.”

“Okay so what if you just put it far away or something.”

“Say less Mark. Say less. I’ll figure it out. Also I’ll do the vegetarian option for lunch today. I am so sick of fish I can’t take it anymore.”

Loser: The Wind

It really is the worst. Where I went to college in the middle of Illinois it was windy every single day at all hours of the day regardless of what was happening in the world. It made walking anywhere miserable.

Fuck the wind man. I’ll say it. I don’t care. Tell em Lieutenant Dan!

Winner: Amber

Okay girl, shoot. Play on playa.

Also, incredible call to stick with CT. It’s like being a wide receiver and Tom Brady’s your quarterback. Yeah, of course you’re not going anywhere. He’s going to get you absolutely paid.

Loser: Kaycee

I’m honestly surprised it took as long as it did. I uttered the phrase “sprained ankle” out loud at least a dozen times watching them run over that jagged terrain.

It does suck for Kaycee. She definitely earned everything she got up to that point. But, hey, it’s The Challenge. That’s the bumps and the breaks. Sucks to see, but she’s not the first and she won’t be the last

Winner: Fessy

He doesn’t even have to reach very far to find an excuse this time. That’s awesome for him, I was starting to worry he was going to run out.

Loser: Icelandic Sheep

Sheep Face? What the hell is going on? Are there just a flock of sheep wandering the field of Iceland without faces? Why you gotta call it a face? This is something that only appeals to Hannibal Lecter and Jeffrey Dahmer. And while I low key would love to go dinner with those two people, ask a loaded question about society and just enjoy the ride, I’m not sure if that’s the best business model for a restaurant.

Loser: Bloody Mary’s

Bloody Mary’s are gross. I don’t care what you say. It’s the highest selling drink at the restaurant I manage, so I understand that I am incorrect in this opinion. But I had a bad experience in college which is another blog post for another time, but ever since I can barely even look at them.

The puke montage was super awesome too. Just the best. That was like Rob Zombie video. Or one of those episodes of Jackass where you knew they had no ideas so they just ate gross shit and threw up all over each other.

Loser: Empathy

I hate that I empathized with Fessy in this moment.

Watching Kaycee squirm while her partner slowly let her down was heartbreaking. It really was. And Fessy, there’s a reason TJ hates quitters. It’s because the chances of getting this opportunity are once in a life time. So to squander it is an insult to a lot of people.

But like, look, if there is basically nothing at all in it for me, I’m not too keen on crushing a plate of sheep face either.

He’s still soft. But…idk man. I kinda get it.

Winner: Amber

“Hi Carrie, how was prom?”

Shout out to Amber for crushing this season and this Final and now being able to brag to her friends that she’s now a ram testicle connessiour.

Winner: CT and Amber’s Decision

It’s obvious, right? It’s Cory and Kam.

Nany’s hurting, Kaycee’s done. That’s the only team that’s shown themselves to be a threat so far. My guess is they give it to them.

I’m not sure what to make of that first day. CT and Amber were the clear best team, which I don’t think most of us saw coming. That Kaycee injury opens the door for all kinds of possibilities. But I can’t imagine she’s going to be able to continue after this eating part. Cory and Kam did about exactly how you’d expect them to do, just fine. Nany being slow is really letting Leroy and myself down right now. But if it comes down to gas in the tank, she might be able to outlast if they catch a break or two along the way.

See you all next week!