The Challenge All Stars 4 Episode 10 Recap — Winners & Losers

Welcome back to a fresh batch of Winners and Losers! We’re here to break down The Challenge All Stars 4 Episode 10, and what an episode it was! Since I’m already like four days late, let’s not waste any more time. Inside this week: Cara tries to introduce a new character way too late, we re-litigate the scent of any given Road Rules RV, Jay does what Jay does best, and much much more…

Loser: Questions So Obvious They Lose All Meaning

Who’s Jimmy? What’s Jimmy? Why’s Jimmy? How’s Jimmy?

Go up and down the line, there is no line of questioning safe from the perils of exhaustion from previous answers when it comes to Cara’s fake (?) pet something or another named Jimmy.

Introducing a character like Jimmy this deep into the season, when we’re already on the other side of the heavy poolside Laurel v. Cara tete-a-tete, and maybe I just have a weak stomach, it’s just a little too rich for my blood. I’m kinda tired. I don’t need another round of macaroons. I kinda just want to sip an espresso, polish off a glass of Tawny Port, and ride out the rest of the night. I’m still having fun, but I’m pretty invested into the meal I’ve already had, ya know?

Some pet rodent named Jimmy?

Idk.

The ceiling is low. You know what I mean? Like how high could Jimmy really take us? We’re already doing so well. This whole thing is making me feel like I’m smoking myself sober, and instead need to step out of the car and take a walk around the block.

Loser: Being Selfish, Even If It Is For The Sake Of Your Family

Okay, and that’s really nice that Leroy’s packing up all of Kam’s breast milk for her to take home and all that, but honestly, which breast milk is everyone else supposed to drink?

Seems a bit shady, no?

Kingston is more important than Ryan? More important than Ace? Have Leroy and Kam not considered the idea that maybe Handjob Steve wants some of that breast milk?

…dot…dot…dot…

For being such a nice guy on the outside, Leroy sure does have a sinister, selfish streak in him. Family over everything, right dude?

Loser: Bad Roommates

Imagine if you spent a half an hour looking all over the house for your whey protein only to turn the corner into the narrow kitchenette to find all of this…do you just say fuck it?

You definitely say fuck it at this point. Borrow somebody else’s. With the amount of surplus protein Brad initially brought, there is no way he didn’t leave a few buckets or baggies behind in some nook and cranny somewhere.

Look around his bed. In Heavyweights, they stashed candy bars inside their bed frames. That would be a good place to start.

Best part is, if you don’t find protein, you’re definitely going to find pot. Edible, unicorn emoji pot, more than likely. Which means fun times will be had by all.

Everybody to the backyard! Handjob Steve’s about to light his Bulgarian Bag on fire and twirl it around in the air!

Okay, Challengers, get entrepreneurial, get out there, and avoid whatever that mess is that’s going on in the narrow kitchenette.

Loser: Frustration With Things We Cannot Control

Whether this person is a teammate, a co worker, a friend, a sibling, one of the most frustrating qualities any person can have is one where you know they know the right way to do something, or the right answer to something, and yet they randomly and consistently do the opposite of right for reasons that remain unclear.

They are who they are, and every once in awhile they just cannot help themselves in being that person.

When Cara says stuff like this, this amazing attitude anyone can adopt and apply to their own life, sort of the opposite of Kunu’s “fuck the lemon’s and bail” advice, she sounds like the most mature, well-adjusted person in the room.

Yet, there are times when she acts as if she’s never considered that idea at all. Like it’s the first time the concept of a positive attitude has ever been introduced to her. That must be so frustrating to deal with. Cara, one of the best, knows she’s one of the best, who understands how this game actually works better than most, can also have moments of petulance so sophomoric you almost cannot believe they’re happening.

This is why, among so many other reasons, Cara’s been incredible television since the moment she arrived. That post War of the Worlds 2 break was the best thing that ever happened to her. She didn’t change one bit, and yet it took a few years away from this world for all of us to understand we never should have wanted her to change in the first place.

Winner: Veronica

Yeah, I bet you do. The guy who wears a knee brace to breakfast and the guy whose last appearance in a Final ended in shattered dreams and tattered nightmares.

While I for on am shocked no one has touched Veronica’s star, SHOCKED, truly shocked, like, how this has happened is to the level of the entire cast of Spies, Lies, & Allies ignoring CT’s existence, this idea of running a lay-up line of a Final must be making the Leroy’s and the Cara’s of the world salivate each and every morning they wake up at 5 a.m. to run seven hundred laps around the house.

Winner: Blessings

Blessings on blessings on blessings.

That’s gotta be it.

Winner: The Power Of A Single Word

Star this. Star that. Starstarstarstar.

Starcia Starcia Starcia!

What a mummified reference.

Anywho…

I’ve loved every second of this season, as have most of us (the Laurel and Nicole stuff is an acquired taste, to be fair), but do you guys think that if they would have just called these arbitrary tickets to the final challenge skulls again, we’d be singing a different tune?

The worst part about the skull twist was that everybody just let each other take turns and were all sort of in it together. The second worst part was hearing people like Kyle and Tori and Aneesa say the word ‘skull’ thirty-five times an episode.

Kyle’s pronunciation of skull will be one of the last ten things I hear before I die.

Stars are fun though! You get them when you do something good in fifth grade. You get them by paying twenty coins in Mario Party. When you get them in various other Mario games, you literally (look alive) become invincible and faster and can jumper higher.

That positive connotation is doing a ton of work to keep any annoyance stemming from the inane repetition entirely muted.

This show, especially the people living it, thrives on positive connotation. How many of this show’s most violent, non-between the lines moments have come while they were having a costume party? Even on Double Agents, where they were forced to drink in a garage like they were back in high school again, one of the only nights with true animosity was when Fessy and CT bodied up while they were dressed in the theme of 80’s work out video.

These are some of the most cynical people in the world. They’re all miserable enough. Let the game itself be the trough which fattens them up, so when the slaughter comes, and it will come from inside the pigpen as it always does, the meat will be tender and juicy enough for everyone at home to enjoy.

Winner: Something Which Will Remain Funny To Me For All Eternity

I’m sorry but I will never not laugh at this. A Bulgarian Bag is something you can only find on this show. A Bulgarian Bag being swung by a hand model?

Well…

Don’t make me say it…..

But how can you not be romantic about The Challenge?

Loser: Body Odor

I never thought about this then, not even in passing, but my lord in heaven, could you imagine how bad those RV’s must have smelled?

Winner: Ryan’s Pain Tolerance

I’m crying right now imagining getting a tattoo, one that’s fully shaded in like that, in that spot Ryan got that crown. I might be wrong, and that’s one of the weird “doesn’t hurt that bad” places. But idk, mine have all hurt to varying degrees, and I have to imagine that’s gotta be one of the worst.

I wonder, is Ryan just a big Lebron James fan or what do we think is going on there? That looks like the original LBJ Crown logo from his used-to-be ugly ass sneakers.

Ryan, if you’re reading this, tweet us @fessyfitness your top five Lebron James sneakers.

Winner: Different Strokes For Different Folks

Pro: Derek and Ryan are there

Con: Phoenix. Way too hot. I’m a German/Irish kid from the Southside of Chicago. If I moved in on Sunday, I’d be medium-rare by Tuesday afternoon.

Pro: Coffee

Con: It’s in Phoenix. Ideally that coffee will be iced. I’m a big hot coffee in the morning guy. Iced coffee has always felt like I was gaslighting myself more than actually getting caffeinated.

Pro: Derek’s building the house. My rent payment will be low, simply due to the winnings covering most of the cost of the house. Maybe I’ll pay for cable and gas or something. Idk, that’s a different podcast for a different day we’ll burn that bridge when we cross it.

Con: Nine cats. We’re gonna have to pump the breaks on those numbers.

Pro: Tea spilling. I’m a bad gossip. I always have been. But I enjoy being around those who are more adept at the dark art of dirt-seeping than myself. Ryan and Derek seem like they’re on the elite tier, which would mean that I would therefore improve on my own tea spilling abilities just through osmosis.

Con: Tea spilling about me. While I’m out, I could never trust that they were talking shit about me, leading to a life of anxiety and inner misery that I simply don’t need right now. Especially if it’s also going to 105 degrees five days a week.

Pro: I’ll have close friendships with several cast members.

Overall, after careful consideration, I think I’m out. But the fact that Derek considered including me in this plan in the first place was both and honor and supremely humbling.

Loser: Worries

Same, dude. Same.

Winner: Patience

Finally, after weeks of baking in the hot sun and reading numbers into a stadium microphone, and sitting in an ironic life guard chair watching the cast pre-determine the outcome, TJ Lavin gets thrown a bone.

This man is at work right now. What do you do for a living?

If he wasn’t basically exactly the person that he is, I would hate him so much.

Winner: The Barbie Movie

Yet again, the lessons from that movie permeate across the pop culture landscape. Just as we learned from the Barbie movie, even when it’s a a men’s elimination day, that’s also a special day for the women.

Or whatever.

Paulie definitely forced her to see Oppenheimer first then kept putting off going to see Barbie until she finally broke and went solo because her followers wouldn’t stop asking her opinion on it.

Winner: Juicy J

This is also the name for one of the best rarely spoken about Three Six Mafia songs. I could recite the lines involuntarily right now. If I were to hit my head and become one of those people who can only say a few things like Hodor or some shit (though I guess he didn’t hit his head, but I don’t know any creepy weirdo paraplegic kids, so I think I’m safe), it might actually be WE NEVER HAD A JOB BUT WE SITTIN ON A MIL.

Loser: Single Me

Back when it was released, in my Runnin’ and Gunnin’ days, I made plans to go to see Wonder Woman with a girl I thought was cute cause she had curly brown hair and then she showed up to the theater with another dude. Her friend Alex or some shit like that. Being single was exhausting.

Movie, also, not that great. When Wonder Woman said some line about how “women only need men for procreation, not for pleasure” every woman in the theater shouted out some derivative of YES GIRL. Then I turned to my right and the girl I came with was asleep and the other dude was looking at his phone and I realized that if I live my life as a bad person this will be the hell that’s waiting for me on the other side.

Never saw the second Wonder Woman. How was it?

Loser: Capitalism

After a quick search on Amazon, you can apparently buy a lasso for upwards of $70 dollars.

You can also buy a length of rope for about $9.

But then it’s like you gotta tie the lasso and that sounds super confusing I mean I still haven’t gotten around to watching Yellowstone, so what am I really trying to prove? Who do I think I am?

Might as well spend the $70 dollars.

Loser: The Deep Sting Of Reality Slapping The Joy Right Out Of Your Grasp

Lmao. Yeah. That sure would suck.

Leroy walking over there to scare the shit out of Jay real quick before his chest gets too puffy was a warm hug from a loved one which sprouted tendrils of endorphins weaving their way throughout my nervous system.

A blatant metaphor for life.

Winner: Learning To Let Go

That’s a great question, Adam. Fantastic, in fact.

This whole podium, wreath, TJ medal, champagne situation was incredibly weird. In all the best ways. Why did they do that? I don’t know? Was it because of the whole ironic “this was technically a race” thing? Because that could also be applied to essentially every daily challenge ever done if they wanted to.

What’s important to understand, though, is that it doesn’t really matter. You tell me you’re gonna give me Laurel and Club Rat Jay slow motion popping bottles of champagne and spraying them all over Flora and Leroy, well then you can just give me that and I don’t need anything else in my life.

So that’s what we’re gonna do.

Here’s a bunch of screenshots of one of the most joyous moments of any of our lives set to a song inspired by DJ Handjob Steve!

TO THE BREAK OF DAWN YO!!!

Winner: Summer Weekends, Childhood Dreams, And Only 48 Hours To Go Until The Next Episode

Part of growing up is realizing just how fucking boring and plain and uninteresting almost everyone’s job is.

When you’re a kid, you don’t write “Purchasing Manager” with purple crayon during the What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up section.

Plenty of kids write down Firefighter though.

Last time we saw Jay, he cruised through the game seen as the weakest player there. This time, he was literally told to his face by a guy running scared of going against him that was was the strongest player there.

I spent this weekend off with friends doing various summer-esque activities, which is why this article is coming out so late. Two of those friends I saw also have those sort of What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up type jobs. One’s a lawyer, and one’s a doctor. And while I was with them, I couldn’t help but think about Jay. I’m sure some of you know a friend or a cousin or something who is a teacher. I’m sure you’ve also seen that same person throw up on themselves or do something else so incredibly stupid you cannot believe they function as a human in society.

Life is funny that way. When you’re ten, teachers are basically the smartest human beings alive. Same goes for your doctor. Or a lawyer on TV or something.

But now I know them as my friends. And my peers. And the same moron who didn’t realize you had to wash your hands after you touch raw meat until he was 31 years old. Yes, this was one of my friends who has one of those When You Grow Up jobs.

If you only knew this Jay, and All Stars 4 was your first ever season of The Challenge, then you’d have no problem believing that this person not only has one of those What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up jobs, but one that’s like actually super sick and dangerous and heroic.

I am not one of those people.

Most of us aren’t.

The idea of anyone who was once on The Real World having a When You Grow Up job will never not be hilarious to me. Jay, Nicole, even Laurel being a veterinarian. This has nothing to do with their capabilities, just the juxtaposition between rolling around in the muck of this stupid show one day and being someone a child with a purple crayon aspires to be When They Grow Up the next day is just too distant to be real.

Club Rat Jay returned to this show much for a shot at redemption. And anyone both there along for the ride with him as well as paying attention at home understands that he earned it. Grown Up Jay is all the things Club Rat Jay was not.

That’s just the worst part of it all though. Most people aren’t paying any attention at all. Just look around you. How many of the people in the room you’re in right now are paying any attention to their surroundings?

Meaning that sometime soon, while walking on the street on his day off from fighting fires, Jay will be buying coffee and a bagel, and some asshole is going to say to him, “hey, aren’t you that guy who couldn’t drink the drink?”

The lesson, kids, as always, if you want to have that job you hope to have when you grow up, never, under any circumstances, ever go on reality television.

VIVA LA REAL WORLD!!!

See you all back here soon! Hope you all enjoyed your weekend! Don’t forget to get your questions in to fessyfitness200@gmail.com to be featured in my 200th Article Spectacular coming later this summer! And until then, as always, Happy Challenge Watching!!!