The Challenge 40: Battle Of The Eras Episode 4 Recap — Winners & Losers
Welcome to a fresh batch of Winners and Losers for The Challenge 40 Battle of the Eras Episode 4!!! The cast got a little less hot, and a little less cool, and we learned that what you do in the past matter now more than ever. Let’s get right into it! Inside this week: CT distracts us all, Mike Tyson punches Olivia, Cara Maria prays to Touchdown Jesus, and much much more…
Loser: Lenovo Ideapads
Since the last time you all saw me, I was writing from a laptop on it’s last rodeo. So like any indentured servant to modernity’s technology dependence, I went out and financed a new laptop at an intergallactically high interest rate, because if I send out one more half-assed recap I may as well just buy myself a one-way ticket to the moon. Sadly (maybe not for you), each and every day I slowly realize that this website is my only purpose in life.
Less than two years I had that laptop before it’s gears and sprockets kicked the bucket. And if you had read that recap, you noticed I missed out on talking about some pretty fucking fun stuff. The toga party, for one (don’t think I wasn’t going to pleasure myself and point out that in my recap for Episode 0 I made an allusion to the idea of dancing with the Challenge Gods), as well as Josh and Tori’s local theater rendition of “Drunk Argument” (2/5 stars). But most importantly, I missed the chance to deep dive on TJ telling the group, “don’t fuck with me.”
The universe giveth and the universe taketh away, I suppose.
Especially taketh away from my wallet. Ay caramba. Since when are non-shitty laptops a billion dollars? Also, since we’re here, has anyone noticed their milk going bad more more quickly than it used to?
Anywho…
Winner: Shameless Self Promotion Right Off The Jump
How fun, not only do I get to naval gaze about a laptop nobody cares about, as fate would have it, I actually wrote a mini-recap of this exact episode for my Pluto Rewind series!
The thing is, even though I will never charge you all for my writing (at least not a blog post), let’s just pretend that by clicking that link you can help me pay off my new laptop with karma points.
I’m sure Chase will accept those as a form of payment. If you could, please give me a five.
Winner: The Missing Piece
Finally, we get a good glimpse of the man who made this all possible…
…..ignored, but never forgotten……
…..Dunbar!
I know.
I know!
Calm down. Just relax, alright?
Lots of episode to go and if you blow your wad this early you’re gonna be real sorry when Horacio gets all sweaty later and you can’t get it up.
Winner: Those Of You Smarter Than Me Who Can Keep Up With This Shit
There are people out there watching at home, people who read these recaps and frequently roll their eyes at my simpleness, who will be able to look over the political landscape and innately understand all the ins and outs and whosies and whatsies that Jonna and Laurel are talking about here.
Ya’ll are, like, way smart. Because honestly, just the idea of wrapping my head around all the moving parts happening here conjures up feelings of ordering foreign foods off a menu written in foreign words while trapped in a foreign land.
(That exact idea, potentially finding myself lost in a place where I cannot communicate, is why I learned, “las mujeres malas y mota bueno para mi toda noche por favor” because I innately understand the importance oflocating the essentials in order to survive. I guess if nobody speaks Spanish in said country, I may be SOL, but I guess that’s a risk I’m willing to take.)
I envy you, truly. Sometimes I can see the political decision making coming from a mile away, usually only when it’s extremely obvious. Hell, I’m still over here trying to figure out why CT never got voted in during Spies, Lies, & Allies. I even remember someone commenting on one of my articles and explaining it all in incredible detail and in my mind, by word number seven, it was written in Wingdings.
But this many moving parts across a political landscape is just too hefty a load for my feeble brain to carry. Probably because of the mota. Not so much the mujeres malas any more, but being single was exhausting anyway.
Almost as exhausting as trying to understand the politics of this game. As another example, and this is jumping ahead a little bit, I still don’t really understand why Jordan “threw” the daily challenge. If he let Laurel be in power then she would help him or something (?), but to me, it seems as though winning and being safe from elimination is still the ideal place to be. But Jordan’s like a trillion times better at this game than I will ever be, so the only conclusion one in my position of ignorance could reach is #shrugemoji.
Does this make me bad at recapping episodes of The Challenge? Yeah, probably. But, I’m not here to recap episodes of The Challenge. I’m here to find any excuse to look up a scene from Billy Madison on YouTube. Which was made incredibly easy for me this time around. I’m also here for the mujeres malas y mota bueno.
¿Tienes alguno?
Winner: The Philo Closed Caption People
A tour de force.
Just when I thought I was out on these people after last week’s Beluga catastrophe, they pull me right back in!
CT (imitating Vito Corleone):
!!!
They actually put the name of the character he was not even really quoting, rather, poorly imitating. I don’t think The Don ever directly says “let me help you”. That part was sort of implied through everyone in his life just straight begging for shit all the time. What an exhausting job. I mean, they had a nice house, but, would it be worth hearing that many sob stories all day?
Anywho, incredible stuff. This is the type of shit I pay way too much money (Only $28, but if you really look at the channels Philo offers you for more than ninety seconds, buyers remorse starts to really creep up on you, it’s almost as if it’s an MTV streaming service hidden behind 37 channels you would never watch on purpose) a month for!
Second off, I mean, yeah, let’s just be honest with ourselves, CT both looks and sounds a bit like Marlon Brando in The Godfather these days. I have no idea whether that’s a compliment or not. For safety’s sake, let’s just say that it is.
Third, and most importantly, how does Mark Long feel about all this?
I’ve been saying since my All Stars 3 recaps that in his current role he’s much more Tom Hagan than Vito Corleone. His nickname should actually be The Consigliere, (Definition of Consigliere — a member of a Mafia family who serves as an adviser to the leader and resolves disputes within the family. Tell me I’m wrong.) but, while cool, isn’t even in the same stratosphere of cool as The Godfather.
Johnny is obviously Michael in this analogy.
Who’s Fredo?
Brad?
Oh fuck, it’s Brad, isn’t it?
In this case, does that make Cutthroat his version of running Las Vegas with Mo Green and banging cocktail waitresses two at a time? This is a pretty tortured analogy. I guess I just like the idea of Brad as Fredo Corleone, and life’s too short to not waste everyone’s time in a Challenge blog by exploring it.
I WAS THE OLDER BROTHER BANANAS! I CAN HANDLE THINGS! I’M SMAHHT! IT’S CALLED COMMUNITY! MARINATE ON THAT!
Winner: Couple Of Goats Cuttin’ It Up
New Hot Guy Goat, Snack/Chip Goat, it’s a match made in Goat Heaven!
Does make you wonder, as a veteran of Reality TV, did Cory know to turn his bag so the label faced away from the camera, or does he still need to be reminded of those types of things by a roving, micro-managing production assistant?
Authors Note: I reached out to a reader who has worked in reality television production in the past after writing this section, presenting this question as generically as possible because they hadn’t seen the episode yet, and this was their answer…
Generally you have a person or persons who is called a clearance coordinator. In movies the role is to make sure they have the legal right to either 1. Use the brands or 2. Make sure they are appropriate to the time period.
However on a reality show like this it’s generally the cheapest/fastest option to cover the logos. And this is generally just done with covering the logo itself with a piece of tape. You see that on beer soda and seltzer cans all the time. With the Doritos in question they either 1. Have already taped over the logo. Or 2. They missed this one. And over the headset intercoms with two way talk one of the producers would get on the camera operators channel and say something like “hey Bob, make Tony turn the bag of chips around”
Someone like bananas and Wes who know how making tv works will do this sorta thing on their own.
If Cory is reading this, he’s very likely the most upset about the fact that this reader assumed Johnny and Wes were more television savvy than him.
Either way, it’s good to know that Vietnamese culture has embraced Doritos.
Or at least that Cory has embraced Doritos.
Loser: Those Amongst The Cast Members Who Deep In Their Heart Of Hearts Thought This Volunteer System Would Stick
I for one am glad that it took less than a single elimination cycle for these people to start going back on their word.
Volunteering sounds awesome while you’re sitting in bed eating a deilcious bag of chips. While standing under the bright lights atop the dry, unforgiving sand?
Volunteer, schmolunteer.
Winner: Nany’s Juke Stick
Christian McCaffrey hit her ass with the WHOOP! and down goes Aneesa.
Oh, wait, that’s Nany.
You see how I could’ve been mistaken though, obviously.
Loser: Viacom’s Insurance Premiums
You guys think the Challenge Gods picked up the tab on that one?
Maybe after they almost inadvertently caved in Olivia’s skull and lodged it inside her frontal cortex they threw their hands in the air and said let’s just fix all these people up before they send an assassin to slit our throats one night.
Explains the budget for Season 39, if anything.
Either way, just that leg brace alone is gonna run you two or three large (I did it!), so somebody’s paying for it. Philadelphia isn’t the type of city to just give rehabilitation away for free. That didn’t happen in any of the Rocky movies and certainly not in Blow Out with John Travolta. I guess it’s possible Meek Mill has rapped about it, but idk, when people shout my natural instinct is to zone out which makes listening to Meek Mill’s music difficult to do.
Though, he did once say the line “shorty she try and bless me like I said achoo”, but it was in the middle of one of the hypest songs of all time, and it was before the beat dropped, so still to this day nobody’s noticed how goofy it is because while the song is playing that piano riff is causing your chest muscles to tense up and grow with every loop leaving you unable to pay attention to anything else.
I genuinely could not care less about the Philadelphia Eagles but after I watch this video, something I do every six months or so just to remind myself what it’s like to feel alive, I genuinely believe I could take on Duel II CT in a Hall Brawl.
“I’ll win every fight?” Not this one, Chris!
HATER REST IN PEACE, REST IN PEACE TO THE PARKING LOT!!!!!
Now I’m sitting here, sipping coffee, trying to figure out what I’m going to bring to my friends son’s first birthday party later on this afternoon with the biggest smile on my face, because all I can think about is Aneesa listening to Meek Mill mixtapes while rehabbing her knee.
If you look hard enough, there’s plenty of beauty to behold hidden inside the crust of this cruel, cold world.
Loser: Plans
It was right at this moment I knew one of them was going to get hit in the face with a golf ball by the end of the episode.
Loser: Paula
Yeah! Suck it Paula! Philly in the house!
HATER REST IN PEACE, REST IN PEACE TO THE PARKING LOT!!!!
In that clip above, if you look closely enough, Paula competed in that pole wrestle against Aneesa while wearing jeans. Jeans she probably got from Aeropostale.
America’s fifth sport!
Loser: Lying On International Television
That drunken bickering reenactment of your local theater troupes Summer Sunday Matinee with Josh was an emotional roller coaster? An emotional roller coaster on par with living with and seeing an ex-fiance for the first time in years?
Tori’s life sounds, like, really hard you guys.
Loser: Semantics
This sort of “well tecknikaly” semantics bullshit, not just by Tori but by anyone in the Challenge universe, is sandpaper to my soul. What does that even mean? What good does any of that do for anyone? I’m technically supposed to be an astronaut because I drew myself as one for an art project in second grade. I’m on the cusp. But here I am, blogging about The Challenge like a jackass.
Semantics will not, and can not, send me to space.
Winner: Best Sellers
How To Navigate The Game, Um, And Really Dominate, And Hopefully Do Really Good Together by Josh Martinez and Tori Deal, coming to a bookshelf near you and wherever you get your audiobooks on September 14th! Don’t miss out!
Loser: Time, For It Flies Whilst Fun Is Being Had
Captivated, the fruits of my family tree
Where would I be without you?
What would you do without me?
It’d be a bad look talkin’ ‘bout what could’ve been
So let’s celebrate, while we still can— Anderson Paak
Seems like just yesterday we were all crying man tears with CT while a Vietnamese firework and water show surrounded them with stimuli.
Yet, here we are, seemingly only like fifteen minutes later, and a whopping 25% of the cast is up and gone.
Just listing out the names we’ve already lost; Katie, Mark, Leroy, Nurys, Tony, Kellyanne…..it’s a reminder of how quickly life’s rug can be pulled out from underneath your feet. Life’s too short to waste your energy on being negative towards these people.
For as long as we got ’em here, let’s celebrate while we still can.
Winner: Confusing Rap Lyrics For A Normcore White Suburban Middle Class Kid To Comprehend
- I used to wear a thick rubberband on my wrist which I would write G-UNIT on with a Sharpie between classes. Some would (correctly) argue that’s lame. Others may (correctly) say that my cultural appropriation was inappropriate and irresponsible. I’d argue (incorrectly) that that’s still the coolest I’ve ever been.
- When I was 14 years old and 50 Cent opened this song with the line “Growing up I was confused my momma kissin’ a girl” my sheltered, normcore little brain was the most confused it’s ever been. Which, considering we shared the feeling of confusion, made me feel connected 50 Cent on a deeper level. Even deeper than my homemade merch did.
- The line “Now I’m goin’ back to Cali with my Jacob on, see how time fly”, on the other hand, made so much sense that I imagined The Game was rapping it directly to my soul.
- TJ’s beard looks great, doesn’t it? Holy smokes. Good for you, dude. Once he saw Horacio’s name on the cast list, even TJ knew it was time to step it up.
Winner: You Know What They Say About People Who Assume…
…they’re usually right.
Of course Kyland loves trivia!
Of course Kyland and his friends do trivia nights!
Don’t take this the wrong way. I would love to both do trivia nights and have friends who wanted to do trivia nights with me. Hell, Kyland, if you’re reading this, why not extend the invite?
Loser: Fawning Over Celebrities
Winner: Burning Dog Poo And The Human Response
Everybody involved in this day’s production really blew their opportunity to do something epic here and while I understand they don’t make this show for me and the 19 people who read these articles, a small part of me wishes that were true.
This recap is slowly becoming the puppy who lost it’s way…
KNIBB HIGH FOOTBALL RULES!!!
Loser: Bad Nicknames
Kyland the Calculator?
Tough, man. Tough. Not what you want.
Ya know, back in my day, we used to take people named Kyland the Calculator and shove them into lockers and give them swirlies and make them do our science homework. These days we put them on reality television and hire them to work in baseball front offices.
Idk, you tell me which was more fun. When baseball was full of mustachiod, roided out freaks with veins as thick as their thighs running up from their jersey collar to the top of their neck who spit brown sludge loogies from the wad of tobacco shoved in their front lip and swatted 450 foot bombs every other at bat?
Or now, when sluggers hit .242, everybody strikes out on low and away sliders at least twice a game, and only like four guys get to 40 homers in a season?
Just a few years after this night above happened, that patriotic young man would be cast off as a national pariah for the crime of using steroids and tarnishing the game.
For one, just look at the size of his fucking head. His hat wants nothing to do with it’s circumference, and is begging to be anywhere else in the world. Not only that, his back is somehow wider and thicker than his chest, and his shoulders would be too wide for a three lane highway.
But look at how much fun we were all having! That roided out freak was hitting homers and running into the outfield carrying a tiny American flag while we adulated and cried tears of red, white, and blue in the bleachers. It was the greatest we all felt and the greatest we’ve collectively felt ever since.
There’s only one correct answer here.
Yes, if you’re wondering, I did just blame Kyland for the lack of steroids (at least the kind Sammy Sosa was doing) in baseball.
What about it?
Are you saying that it’s not Kyland’s fault?
Pretty short sighted, if you ask me.
Loser: An Inability To Blend Into A Crowd
I bet if I asked, it wouldn’t take you very long to find Theo in this picture.
Winner: When You And One Of Your Heroes Share A Commonality
That’s what I said too!
They worded this question funky, and my best guess is that they did so on purpose, knowing the likelihood someone would give that answer, just so they could fling somebody into the water right away in order to set the tone.
Either that or Jordan and I are both ingrained with the perils of a patriarchal society which dictates our subconscious assumption that only a man could accomplish such a feat.
Or, OR, what’s most likely, is that some intern worded the question in a lazy way before moving onto something else on their to-do list.
(groaning, chuckling)
Winner: Working Harder, Because Sometimes Working Smarter Is Stupid
In the clip above, the one they extracted from the television inside the mind of Cara Maria, Wes is still living in a world where the idea of “working smarter, not harder” is the best way to go about life.
In just a moment, a shoe perfectly thrown by the Challenge Gods is going to teach him that sometimes that just isn’t the case.
During that daily challenge, the opening scrum of the season, each person fought and wrestled to memorize colors on a single, small canteen like a pack of hyenas tearing at the discarded carcass of a long-dead antelope.
So, Wes, being the entrepreneurial man he is, figured the smart move was to stay out of the fray. Keep his body fresh and get a good look once the rest of the group set off to start their puzzle. Which may have been the case. Except everybody’s got a plan until Mike Tyson hits you with a shoe, or whatever that saying is…
Whether it’s a shoe or a golf ball, the universe has a funny way of working itself out.
Winner: Cara Maria
You know what?
Fair.
Sometimes Cara takes certain things a certain way and most of us at home rightfully hit her with an Amanda sized eye roll.
This time? She’s got a point. Part of me has always felt that one of the reasons Jordan was so aggro towards Cara back then is because of this exact thing. It’s not even that Jordan wanted to be the first ever solo champion over her specifically, it seems as though in his mind, and it’s certainly an earned feeling, he feels like Cara can’t say that simply because he wasn’t on the season.
Jordan was able to pretty clearly articulate this idea during War of the Worlds 2 when it came to Turbo. But with Cara, it’s a little more delicate. As things always seem to be the moment she gets involved. She’s like King Midas, except instead of objects turning to gold, everything she touches just gets extremely complicated.
Is he right, though? The Challenge is never on a linear schedule. Opponents, rules, games, timing, the variables are always changing. So whether or not Jordan was on Vendettas has no bearing on Cara both winning the season and, most importantly, cashing the check. But what he’s saying certainly has some validity to it. Just the season before, on Dirty 30, Jordan did beat Cara in a Final. Therefore, in his mind, she is still playing for second until the day she crosses the finish line first in front of him.
But who’s to say Cara wouldn’t have beaten Jordan in Vendettas anyway?
As we’ll later learn, Jordan can purposefully forget information on command, so it’s entirely possible that despite the question’s vague wording, Jordan said Wes because he unfairly doesn’t consider Cara’s Vendettas win to be legitimate.
You’re right, he probably just got confused.
Loser: Episodes Lost To Time
While it’s hilarious to see his feet sticking in the air like that, you can’t really blame Josh for this one. Considering that episode only exists in the short clips Season 40 keeps feeding us for some reason on our side of the TV, and on his side, old war stories he has to suffer through once the OG’s start hitting the red a little too hard, you can’t blame him for not connecting the CT and Adam fight to Duel II.
This being said, I cannot help but wonder, does Josh have to pay for Paramount+? What about, like, Johnny or Aneesa? I bet Olivia or whatever still has to, but does Darrell?
There is nothing funnier to me than the thought of Johnny Bananas getting on the phone with a customer service rep after seeing a rogue charge to his Amex and pulling out the whole “do you know who I am?!” routine.
Part of me does wonder if TJ also has to pay, but then that same part of me quickly realizes TJ doesn’t care.
Winner: Off-Season Training
Well, I would hope so, Jonna. Stay ready so you don’t gotta get ready type of thing.
Winner: Protein Macros
Hey, look! It’s Dunbar again!
HOW LUCKY ARE WEEEE!!!!
Loser: Us
Could you imagine how awesome it would be if Berna The Clown was here?
I guess it’s no different than how awesome it would be if Berna was on the cast for any season, but this one’s special. For real though, imagine a world where she and Laurel were unleashed upon each other. That’s almost too much to comprehend.
Would this cause life on planet earth to end?
I guess that’s hyperbolic, but, if you really think about it, is it?
The Hadron Collider was one thing, but the true God Particle may be the energy produced by the collision of Laurel and Berna The Clown.
Loser: A Concept Which Looks Great On Paper Until The Romanian Guy Had To Go And Ruin it
The face every single Challenge producer standing at the finish line of Season 39’s Final.
Having the winner of that show, one which existed for the sole purpose of setting up a winner to propel as a new star into the future of this franchise, on this season makes all the sense in the world.
Unless it’s Emanuel.
One day, we’re all going to wake up and Season 39 will have been eradicated from existence entirely.
Winner: Pictures And The Thousands Of Words They Speak
There’s a world where the two of them live happily ever after and then a few decades later Nelson and Berna go on to cheer for their daughter as she competes in an elimination round on Season 83 of The Challenge against Aneesa, who’s actually been dead at this point for a few years but the Challenge Gods have continued wheeling her out there like Weekend At Bernies in order to save money on appearance fees.
What they won’t be able to explain is Johnny Bananas turning his back on her after all they went through on Seasons 67–71.
Loser: Big Brother
The man’s been right about this for almost half a decade now. After the performance of the Big Brother people on The Challenge USA 2, it’s about time we recognize Devin’s ability to be ahead of the curve.
Winner: Questions And Answers
The question did say “during a challenge”, but to then show a clip of them jumping into the water while partying on a day off makes me hope that someone somewhere messed up and that the only time they were at the Aegean Sea that season was while they were partying that day and never once during a daily challenge.
America’s Fifth Sport!
Winner: Your Fun Aunt Who Lives In A Van And Buys You And Your Friends Whiteclaws On The Weekends Playing Beer Pong At Your High School Graduation Party
Nobody, I repeat, NOBODY, is having more fun filming this show than Emily is. Between Brad’s unicorn emoji brownies, Brad’s unicorn emoji shower sessions, and just general Challenge type stuff, the smile on Emily’s face may as well be a tattoo she can hardly contain it.
Loser: Blue Balls
Yeah, yeah, whatever, CT’s hurt.
Are they not going to tell us who competed in the first Hall Brawl?
What the hell, man? We all know CT’s gonna be fine, but to just move on from that question as if we collectively run the Challenge Stats Instagram account is pure insanity.
I’m not looking it up. There. Take that for your cliffhangers. If anybody knows the answer, feel free to tweet us @fessyfitness, but for the sake of stubbornness, I refuse to read it.
Winner: The GOAT
Fuck the fuck yeah he did.
We celebrate legends only around here. If you don’t like it then you can get the hell off the dance floor.
Loser: Catholic Guilt
Yeah, I can unfortunately see how his mind went from Point A to Point B on that one.
Jesus is a hell of a drug.
Winner: The Small Television Inside Of Nehemiah’s Mind
Both the echo effect and taking the bottom out as if it we were actually listening to the the ghosts of Challenge past were inspired choices.
This show rules, idgaf.
Winner: Mormons
This clip will never, ever fail to make me laugh out loud uproariously. They showed it on All Stars 4 too. Which illustrates to me that, in a weird way, the Challenge Gods are somewhat proud of that moment. We love it because, well, Julie either tried to scare Veronica or genuinely planned on unhooking her safety harness so that she would fall to her death all in the name of competition.
Either option is incredible.
Especially when you consider that they were doing this for less money than all of the current cast could make within the next half an hour by offering up feet pics for sale.
Except, for the Challenge Gods who continue celebrating this moment along with us, this was almost a total disaster. We don’t get to forty seasons had Veronica died that day. And here they are, embracing it.
What I don’t think Challenge fans realize is that the Challenge Gods themselves are some of the biggest Challenge fans out there.
Loser: That One Famous Picture Where All The Construction Guys Are Eating Lunch On A Beam Connected To An Unfinished Skyscraper
I always have wondered why those idiots didn’t just eat their food at a table, where it’s safe, but I guess that’s why somebody decided to take a picture of it.
Fortune favors the bold until Mike Tyson hits you with a golf ball, or whatever.
Winner: TJ Lavin
If he were essentially any other human being who has ever lived I’d hate him so much that I would be able to feel it in my bone marrow.
Loser: Not Allowing Your QB To Audible At The Line Of Scrimmage
TJ really asked Devin that question?
I’m sure he’s just picking up the card atop the pile and reading whatever it says, but you’d think that with a question like that there would be some sort of asterisk situation where it says “Don’t Ask: Cory, Tony, Devin”.
Of the three people most directly involved with said Pastagate, Devin certainly ranks third, but not that far of a third.
It would be like if Kaycee got that “When did Kaycee and Nany meet?” question. I’m all for the unfairness of this game, it’s been unfair since I started watching it and it’s continued to be so every single second since, and as we’ll see the unfairness continues until the very end of this episode, but at a certain point, just for competition’s sake, certain exceptions need to be made.
Maybe this is why they don’t do Challenge-based trivia that often, because of the inherent risk in situations like this arising. If they truly don’t care, and TJ is just allowed to walk up to the line of scrimmage, see a blitz coming, and not do anything about it, then that man genuinely does have the greatest job in the entire world.
Winner: Airplane Beverages
The best part about re-watching that opening challenge is trying to work out who is the most hungover (Johnny) and who is still the most drunk from the night before (Kailah).
Loser: Bill Shakespeare
My mans Billy S never touched anything like that.
Hamlet?
More like Blahmlet, amiright?
The idea of one cousin clearly having the lifelong upper hand on the other cousin (to the point that Bri admits to hooking up with more than one of Jenna’s exes…wonder where that stemmed from…), and then the already more locally famous cousin gets sky-rocketed to a strange level of non-local fame (one where you can be a totally normal to 9/10 people, but then that 1/10 not only considers you more famous than actual famous people, but also thinks that they know you as a person), then both cousins show up together to a world where one fits in perfectly and the other fits in just as imperfectly (though, truthfully much better than Bri would ever want to admit), leading to while every resentment stemming from their entire life accelerating within the confines of the lesser cousin’s mind as she watches the other one flourish socially and competitively, then eventually that whole pot of gumbo bubbling to the surface when Aneesa (!)(Aneesa is not a human, she is a fixed point in time) senses the tension, reaches into her bag of tricks, fetches her trusty ladle, and begins to stir the pot between them by tugging at the one string she knows will cut the deepest….
If you want to read more of my thoughts on this fight, click the words that are underlined in this sentence, but while we’re here, just think of all we learned about the two of them within one single five minute argument….
Incarcerated family and the trauma left behind, small business ownership, nepotism, Jenna’s babysitting career, Jenna’s lack of ambition in life, Bri’s thoughts on Jenna’s lack of ambition in life, how Bri feels about Jenna’s stupid Challenge friends, the hair length preferences for women of some guy Bri is dating, Bri’s affinity for ice cream, the ethnicity of this man who dislikes women with short hair, Jenna’s dislike for the man Bri is dating…..
That’s not even everything.
None of that has anything to do with The Challenge.
Let’s put it this way, just based on that one interaction, I know more about Jenna’s cousin Bri as a person than I still, to this day, know about Kaycee.
For centuries, writers have attempted to mold characters as fully formed as Jenna and Bri with that sort of efficiency, and most of them were driven to alcoholism and a deep, deep depression. What those writers didn’t have, though, was Aneesa.
Winner: The Heights My Anticipation For Yellowjackets Season Three Has Reached In The Time Since Season Two Ended
Okay, everybody sit down.
This is about as serious as I’m ever going to get around here.
No fessyfitness jokes. No Billy Madison. We’re on business time here.
Focus.
What I’m about to write are the most important words I’ve ever written out of all one hundred and ninety seven articles written on this website…..
Watch Yellowjackets.
Don’t think about it. Just do it. Watch it. Don’t read about it. Don’t look anything up. Just watch it.
It’s not the best show I’ve ever seen. It’s not going to change your life. You’re not going to glean anything from the human condition. But it is the most lit show of all time.
These were my words, spoken out loud, sometimes to no one but my dog, at the end of almost every single episode.
“This is the most lit show I’ve ever seen.”
No bad ideas in a brainstorm is truly my most core life philosophy, but the people making Yellowjackets take that idea and stretch is at far as one possibly can. Everything they did they did 1000%. No punches were pulled. Even in the few moments where the punches were pulled, it was done in such a clever way that they became some of the most effective moments in the show.
Truthfully, I can’t say it’s a great show. A great show is, like, The Wire or Rock of Love.
I’m still not even sure if it’s good.
But it is unequivocally lit.
Knowing the same people who wrote Yellowjackets are fans of The Challenge, once you really dig your fingernails into the flesh of the idea, makes perfect sense.
Loser: Johnny Yet Again Whiffing On The Easiest Question
Come on, Johnny, what the hell, this is so easy…
For real?
Johnny, quit foolin’ around…
Is he really not gonna get this?
Dude!
For real?!
How could he forget!?
He may as well have said Dutch again.
Loser: Poppycock
Who?
That’s not real. Are those people that have been on The Challenge before?
No, come on, stop it. Quit yankin’ my chain.
Loser: Even More Poppycock
That’s not a real person. What the fuck is going on? Why do they keep doing this? Do they think we won’t notice them just totally making people up?
Asaf?
Who the fuck is Asaf?
Loser: Enough Being Enough
Sean Duffy?
I used to smoke pot with Sean Duffy.
Okay, but for real though, who the fuck is Asaf?
Loser: Telling On Yourself
You know, Jordan might have gotten away with it. He could have even started a name with the Sh sound, gotten it wrong, and still gotten away with it.
But by slipping up through a mistake he could have only ever made if he had watched the season in question, what we saw instead was his competitive spirit, as strong willed as it is, snitching on and betraying it’s host body.
How amazing. Jordan can be cool, calm, and collected under pressure while being asked to perform grueling physical tasks, yet apply that same pressure while his outer self desires to lose on purpose, and something deep inside simply could not handle it.
Winner: Finally Solving This Blog’s Central Mystery
I know, right? I thought for sure it was Jemmye.
Winner: The Decades Long Rippling Effect Of A Butterfly Flapping It’s Wings Near A Log Cabin Somewhere In British Columbia
You may think this interaction was a little over-the-top. A little unwarranted. Darrell, Laurel? Darrell, of all people, is who you’re going to go after?
I mean, it’s Darrell. You don’t go at Darrell like that. He’s an institution.
Except think back to the first ever interaction between the two of them. All those years ago on Fresh Meat II. Darrell choosing Cara Maria instead of her has informed each and every action and reaction throughout Laurel’s entire Challenge life. As we can see in the screenshots above, even after everything that’s happened, those effects are still lingering.
What an incredible show we watch.
Winner: Everyone At Home While Laurel Danced Atop The Third Rail’s Massage Table
She said what about massages?
While that may have been a line too far to cross, let’s all just go ahead and look in the mirror for a second before we cast any stones.
We said we wanted this. No matter how you feel about the result, you asked for this energy. I asked for this energy. We all asked for this energy. For years the Big Brother Bullshit let’s-all-be-friends-and-win-together-you-guys nonsense has plagued this show, and how vocal have we been about it?
I’m as guilty as anyone, so I’ll happily stand as the leader of culpability here.
Doing the spicy wing challenge at a local restaurant is all fun and games until you get exactly what you ordered. So before you go be judgey and take sides, don’t forget, while this may not be the precise bloodshed we’ve been begging for, you cannot control chaos once it enters the fray.
Just this very episode, we’ve celebrated two genuine attempts at manslaughter which took place separately and unconnected on different seasons.
The way Darrell and Laurel feel, and the people connected to them and this conversation feel, are irrelevant to us. To this side of the TV. And as it applies to this situation, we’re the much less important ones.
We’re simply receiving what we paid for and getting what we deserve.
Winner: Relentless Spousal Support
That was some of the most intense support I’ve ever heard in my life. How incredible.
Rachel’s like “Babe, I’m, like, the fucking best” and her wife responds with “One hundred percent”. No hedging, no questioning, no hypotheticals. Just simply, “one hundred percent.”
Do you think they’re like that all the time? Does Rachel come back from the grocery store and say, “babe, I got, like, the best deal on oranges today” followed by her wife hitting her back with “yeah you did, you’re the best at getting deals on oranges”?
That’s the kind of love and support I hope we can all find some day.
Winner: The Additional Commas Soon To Be Found In The Checking Accounts Of Liam And Noel Gallagher After This Cash Grab World Tour Is Over And They Can Go Back To Never Speaking To Each Other Again
I SAID…..
….shit, Laurel, quick, what’s the next line?
It’s ‘maybe’, Johnny.
I SAID MAYYYBAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Loser: The Ignorant
To the untrained eye, what this looks like is an unhoused vagabond searching the wilderness for a roast beef sandwich.
What I see is a God walking amongst men.
Perspective is our brain’s most powerful tool.
Winner: Queens Boulevard
The new Entourage reboot looks sick.
Winner: Cara MaRudyia
Oh my God, I see it. I totally see it. Two peas, one pod. For fear of Cara calling her online banners against me, I really don’t feel like going into details, so if you get it, you definitely get it, and if you don’t, go watch the movie Rudy, replace Notre Dame with The Challenge in your mind’s eye, and I promise it won’t take you long.
Winner: Those Bartenders
I wonder if they understood that they were serving royalty on this night?
How lucky are we? How lucky are they?!?!
There’s no way those two listen to Zach Bryan and if they do well then I stand corrected.
Winner: Understanding The Future Is Unpredictable
Interesting choice of words there, Cory.
“…stuck in these eras…”
Heavy lie the implications attached to a word like ‘stuck’.
While you let that sink in, and you can take it to mean whatever you want to, let’s look at the other idea he presented here. The concept of a team. If our side of the TV isn’t convinced that these people won’t end up playing as individuals at some point, then their side of the TV certainly isn’t convinced either.
Yet, that was sort of the attitude on War of the Worlds 2, and outside of Tori and Jordan swapping sides, by the end, they all did wind up dancing with the dates they came with. On top of that, in a cruel twist of fate, the side that played the most like a team ended up losing anyway.
It’s a wonder that every single one of them hasn’t joined up with (or started) a nihilist cult somewhere. Although, in a weird way, by being in the Challenge world, they already are.
Let’s go one-by-one and sort of judge how team-like each of these Eras are at the moment….
Era One — I’d say that, by far, this group is acting the most like a team. They’re all rowing the same direction, even if the rudder is being tended to by a stoned teenager.
Era Two — This one’s complicated. As we’ll see in the team meeting coming up in a little bit, certain members of this team would like to think that they’re all acting as a team, while other members may just simply be too big too share a boat with anyone else.
Era Three — As Cory stated while speaking for himself, and I suspect his thoughts were representative of the whole, this group is merely a collection of individuals posing as a team. To keep the boat analogy going, they’re all in the same boat for now, and tentatively rowing the same direction, but each and every single one of them has an escape plan and are not only unafraid to use it, but are also looking forward to it.
Era Four — After typing out this exercise, oddly enough, they might have inadvertently found themselves in the best position as far as team dynamics go. Once Paulie was jettisoned, as well as Nurys (this could have been Olivia and the same thing would have been accomplished) the waters are pretty calm and still. Sure, they’re going to be going into their share of elimination rounds from here on out, and losing Horacio as a potential buffer for the rest of the guys this early definitely hurts. So as far as targeting goes, the paint on their bullseyes is still blinding red. Because outside of Josh and Michele, they’re not super connected otherwise.
Luckily for them, besides one glaring exception, they all have pretty decent track records in eliminations. So if they win the right ones at the right time, send the right people home, and don’t get too bored of being a cohesive unit that they inadvertently sabotage themselves, Era Four has the potential to stay in tact for longer than we all may think.
Do I think they will be in this exact grouping for much longer? No, probably not. Between the hammer from the Karma Points still to drop, and the subsequent tease in the trailer heavily implying they will be used as an attachment to “shaking things up” (TJ’s word, not mine), there’s no doubt in my mind a twist in the game format is coming down the pipeline.
Can’t say that won’t make me sad. If this season has already taught us one thing, it’s that team seasons are simply more interesting to watch. When it’s pairs, and there are thirty-six-whatever people total, it’s difficult for any pair to feel strongly one way or another about decisions. But within a team dynamic, those feelings get concentrated on a handful of people, upping their intensity.
Except once the concept of fluidity is introduced, outside of a synthetic version, that concentration evaporates.
There was a time on Spies, Lies, & Allies where Amanda ended up switching out for someone else to join the team that Cory and Nelson were on. Her performance during the next daily challenge with her new team wasn’t great, and she sort of made a mockery of the situation, so they confronted her about this at that weird bar with the light up tables they went to every night.
The reason I think about this scene a lot, and why I bring it up now, is because Amanda essentially stopped them in their tracks and told them that everything they’re saying is bullshit. Because they’re not a team. Not really. So by asking her to fit in and act like a member of their team, in her mind, they’re being totally moronic and wasting her time.
While mean, and kind of unnecessary, Amanda was the only one in that situation who was right. Unfortunately for her, sometimes being right on The Challenge isn’t always the best thing for your game, so that lone wolf mentality didn’t exactly work out for her (nor has it in the past FinalReckoningHelllloooooo), or anyone else (besides CT) on that season.
So far, nobody’s had that attitude here, at least outwardly. But moments like Jordan’s forgetfulness in the face of obviousness, when compounded upon each other, will spawn that lone wolf mentality quicker than maybe we might like and evaporating that concentration which will then lead to safer, more boring, less emotional game play.
Loser: The Missing R
Sherbet being spelled without that second r is so stupid, and while I love the English language, sometimes I wish it would just get over itself a little bit.
Just put the r there, ya know?
I’m sure there’s a reason, and I’m sure some professor taught it to me somewhere along the expensive timeline of my English Major era, but not only do I not care, I probably will think that reason is dumb.
Winner: Vietnamese Wine, Who Knew?
I know nothing about Vietnamese wines. Wasn’t even positive if there was a viti-culture over there. Turns out, I was way off.
Did some quick research, and Vietnam is a bit of a fascinating wine region. French colonists began growing grapes there in the 19th century (I’m sure there was no murdering, pillaging, or general ruination of native people’s land and culture happening there. None at all. At least not in my experience with history. LALALALALA ICANTHEARYOU ALALALALALA) because the region could handle all the common grapes which were in style at the time. Then, much later, in the 90s, an effort was made to regrow grapes in all the areas which were littered by landmines from when Ryan and Johnny’s fathers were over there fighting a silly war.
I learned about a lot of strange stuff involving wine in my life, but never once did landmine residue and it’s effect on soil come up until now.
Most importantly for the vineyard owners, the tropical climate leads to multiple harvests a year, meaning that Vietnam probably mass produces sugary-ass Cab Sauvs to be enjoyed by American tourists for that entire region of the world.
Anywho, enjoy your wine while you can, Emily. This guy from Hinge with the beard and the biceps isn’t going to call you again, sorry to break it to you.
Loser: Nervous Cleaning
Why is Derek bussing tables?
Loser: Time
Watching the three of them have a conversation about the intricacies of an elimination vote is magic. What year is it? Does it even matter anymore? If Johnny is still going to have power, and Derrick is still going to go into elimination and put on a show, and Aneesa is still going to be maximum Aneesa, all while every single thing about the world changes around them, then what is the passing of time, really?
I once had a roommate with the words “You’re so beautiful. You’re gonna die someday.” tattooed on his arm. Which is something he claims he saw Lil Uzi Vert tweet once.
This season has made me think about that tattoo more times than I want to admit.
Winner: The Set Designer
On the bottom is an attempted murder. On top, the successful vanquishing of another human’s spirit.
Lmaooo, man, poor Sarah. I bet the words being spoken at the moment that photo was captured can be heard in her mind as clear today as they were then.
Winner: Paranoia
At home, with no skin in the game, it’s easy for me to relate to what CT is talking about. My right knee defines falling apart. I get it.
If were there?
Pssshhhhh I’m not buying it for a second.
Ohhhh, don’t vote for us, we’re old and broken lol look at how old we are lololol hope it doesn’t rain because my shoulder will start to hurt lololololol
GTFO with that whack ass shit.
Could you imagine having to live like that? I’d hate to be on this show. Naturally I assume everyone is always lying to me, and that’s just while I’m ordering McDonald’s. Put me in a situation like this and I’m pushing Darrell down the stairs just to prove that his back is totally fine.
If I ever run for office, no matter what I say, please don’t vote for me.
Winner: An Abundance Of Reverse Psychology
So far, my favorite running bit on this season has got to be how after every daily challenge, every team tells the winning team that the smartest move for them to make would be to vote in the team that isn’t them.
I love that so much. Challenge people take such deep pride in “playing a smart game”. It’s the number one card to be able to play outside of simply winning. Wes’s (Wesi?) slightly disappointing resume is hardly ever mentioned because he epitomizes “playing a smart game”.
It’ll eventually work on someone. Johnny and Laurel ain’t it, and Tony and Averey were too distracted by their own nonsense to become susceptible outside influences. But at some point, the decision making duo is going to be one that doesn’t have the combination of experience and baggage that we’ve seen so far, and that’s when they’ll be vulnerable to caving in on the societal pressures to “play a smart game”.
Winner: Challenge Merch
I think that if those shit-stained boxers got put up for a silent auction, we would be astonished at how high the number would go.
Winner: Emily’s Back Muscles
I don’t really have a joke, just, ya know, jeez, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone’s back muscles be that defined. What would happen if she flexed? Would a black hole open up in some distant galaxy?
Winner: The Idea, Regardless Of The Execution
This is what I meant by the whole “are we a team or not” discussion from earlier. Organically, Nehemiah’s team meeting illustrates the exact divide in the team. How no matter if they are all assigned to the same boat, a few of the members of the team might just be too large to fit.
This is exactly what I mean. It’s as if they’re speaking their own language. As if to someone at Laurel’s stature, they all sound like the teacher from Charlie Brown, and luckily Johnny knows how to communicate to both sides.
That clarification was not needed, I think Nehemiah’s point was pretty clear.
Except there is one member of the team who hypothetically is also too large to fit in the boat, yet she seems to be doing so just fine.
Body language never lies. Look at the way Cara is sitting. In the circle, but also sort of not. On an equal plane as Laurel, yet somehow still seated lower. Also, look at the direction her body is facing. She’s making no attempts to connect in any physical way. She’s a dog who cannot wait to run off the leash.
This isn’t a criticism. Cara Maria is just being who she is. But that’s what she has to do in order to fit into this larger team concept, because for whatever reason, she apparently values the “lesser” members of the group.
When I looked at the team rosters for the first time, the idea of Laurel and Johnny being the ones who were outcasts was not on my prediction list. It’s an awkward spot to be outcasts though. In a metaphorical nuclear holocaust, despite being separate from the pack, those two would probably be the last ones to survive.
So what’s the value in the pack to them anyway? What’s the value to them in doing all the team-building activities that Nehemiah thought they would have done already? There are leaders and followers in all societies. It’s how we’re built. What will be interesting to watch, in this case, is that the leaders don’t really want to lead their followers and the followers don’t really want to be lead by these leaders, but society dictates that neither has much of a choice at the moment.
Now that we’ve gotten through all of that, I have to ask once again, who the fuck is Asaf?
Winner: A Much Needed Break
76 bottles of beer on the wall, 76 bottles of beer…
You take one down, pass it around, 75 bottles of beer on the wall…
I was beginning the think we wouldn’t even take a sip tonight.
Winner: Twelve Abs Worth Of Human Being
Just when I was starting to feel good about myself, these two gotta come onto the screen walking in slow motion. I’ve probably eaten more slices of pizza this year than the two of them have in their entire lives combined.
They’re about as familiar with carbs as I am with being Batman.
Winner: Putting In The Work
This is the exact same move I used on my Mom to get her to buy me Doc Martin’s when I was a freshman in high school.
Whole ass presentation, on paper, all that fun stuff.
It worked for me. For Derrick, not so much.
Winner: Derrick’s Handwriting
For whatever reason I had it being wayyyyy worse than that.
Winner: Jonna
All Stars might be the best thing to ever happen to Challenge Fans, but that pales in comparison to how what it did for Jonna.
Not only is she multiple hundreds of thousands of dollars richer, she’s now being casually name dropped as a potential future threat to LAUREL AND JOHNNY BANANAS. Unironically. And nobody scoffed at it.
All Stars, like Jesus, is one hell of a drug.
Winner: Relevant Names Being Relevant
Say what you will about how pointless these deliberations may be, but after a handful of turns of the wheel when the biggest names took the first halves of the season off, it’s been refreshing to see Jordan have to sweat it out twice now. Not only that, but we’ve also gotten people like Johnny, Laurel, and Darrell already in situations where they’ve been forced to make tough decisions.
Accident or not, the Challenge Gods finally found a way to force our favorite players to actually play the game.
Loser: Heat
Question…
Did they film this deliberation on the surface of the sun?
Why do they all look like Joel Embiid at the free throw line?
Just buy a fan? It’s 202 don’t tell me Bunim Murray doesn’t have access to microphone technology that can mute out extraneous fan sounds. We sent a man to the moon sixty years ago, and that cannot be less difficult than getting clean sound in a cool room. I refuse to believe that.
I mean, if the point is to make them uncomfortable, then fair enough. But now that Paulie’s gone, are any of these people actually going to get aggro at each other during deliberation? Even if they are sitting on the surface of the sun, for the most part, every decision made after these gatherings was already made before they walked in. Probably even before the bus ride home was finished.
You know who might be able to help with this?
Asaf.
Whoever he is.
Loser: Touching The Stove Even Though We Know It’s Hot
Women with bright, neon Pick Me signs hanging over their shoulders were kryptonite at a certain time in my life.
Fun? Sure. Sometimes. Stressful? Of course. Always. Problem is, no matter how you felt about them at any given moment, that neon light never burns out, and men are simple creatures. If this is hitting a little too close to home right now, all I can say is fly into as many of those neon signs as you can, get burnt, brush yourself off, and get back out there.
If the lights are bright, fly to them.
One day you’ll land on what you thought was a sharp neon light, but is instead the warm glow of a fireplace on a cold winter’s evening.
Until then, be the moth, and bask in the harsh glow for as long as you can.
Winner: Camera Tricks
Did you know that that’s actually a full sized cup and that Josh is nine feet tall?
Winner: The Power Of Fashion
All he did was put on a hat.
The difference between that CT and the CT we’ve seen so far is flabbergasting. How is that possible? I understand that not only does his shirt actually fit, and black is naturally slimming, but the way lighting tricks our eyes does not explain going from unhoused vagabond in search of a roast beef sandwich back to scariest human being on the planet within a single episode of television.
I guess we talk all the time about how fun it’s been to see CT grow and change on this show. Well, there ya go!
Loser: When Someone Else At The Party Bought The Same Outfit
Okay, who got ready first, Rachel or Ryan?
Gut instinct tells me Ryan simply because he probably finished working out before Rachel did. Though, the real question is, does Rachel ever really finish working out?
Winner: The Challenge
Show 100 random people who have never even owned a television these two competitors, tell them the rules of the game, and 100 of them would pick the same winner.
Do the same for 100 random Challenge fans and the number’s probably closer to 80. And even those who did choose Jenny would accept an Aneesa victory as a reasonable outcome. It’s like we all share a secret or something. It’s hard to explain, because even though those 100 non-fans would have wound up being correct, they wouldn’t have been correct in the way they figured they would be.
What we got next was an actual, close competition between two people who couldn’t be any different on the surface. Because of course we did. It’s Aneesa! She been out here. She’s been doing this shit. She’s always been calm under pressure. She’s always had great hand-eye coordination. She’s always been quick on her feet, both physically and metaphorically. We all inherently know these things because we’ve seen them for years, even if we selectively choose to forget.
This all comes back to Big Easy. It always does. He’s backwards Jesus. He died on The Gauntlet III so the rest of the world could openly sin.
Loser: Excuses
They don’t do gym class over there in the UK?
Por que no los dos, Jenny?
You know who loved basketball? Prince. Is that it, Jenny? Are you saying Prince isn’t a real musician?
No wonder we left you guys. Music takes like that I’m surprised it took until 1776.
Loser: Poor Work Ethic
Well you’ll never be the next Caitlin Clark with that attitude!
Little less talkey, little more shootey.
Winner: The Director Of Photography
Eat my ass Tony Scott!
That tracking shot, complete with Aneesa’s shoestring catch, was the sickest shit I’ve seen on film since Christopher Nolan flipped a fucking truck in The Dark Knight.
Winner: Hell Yeah
Hell yeah. I see you Jenny.
CT, your thoughts?
America’s fifth sport!
Loser: Pain
When Aneesa’s last ball fell, so did my heart.
Winner: A Fist Bump Getting Me Emotional
I never knew a laptop screen shot could make me feel this way.
Winner: Packing In A Lot Of Moments In A Short Amount Of Time
Say what you will for how “boring” Horacio may be, but in his short time on The Challenge, including a whole season without many opponents to make moments with, this man has truly ridden the roller coaster. 5–0 on his first season, including a win over Jordan, and now on the biggest season ever he pulls the Derrick card.
There are no two men more synonymous with elimination glory than Derrick and Jordan. And getting both of them in such a short time frame is not something I would label as “boring”.
Plus, I mean, just look at him he’s so hot.
Believe it or not, I take one look at that picture above and I couldn’t care less who Asaf is.
Winner: This Elimination Game
It’s rare that I can say this about the games that they play, but in this case, the only thing I could think about while watching Derrick and Horacio go is how much fun this looked like to do.
Loser: Win Probability Charts
Tell that to the players and coaching staff on the 2016 Atlanta Falcons.
Winner: Yet Another Useful Piece Of Knowledge
Kyland with the helpful example of another great phrase to know if you’re ever lost in a Spanish speaking country.
I doubt I have to translate tequila for you. All you gotta do is tack it on to the end of uno mas a few times and before you know it, the mujeres malas y mota bueno will be raining down from the skies.
Winner: The Result, For That’s All That Matters On The Challenge
Great question, boys.
After all the hand wringing and emergency podcasts and twitter arguments that we as a fan base have already done the full spin cycle on, I truly have nothing to add.
The screenshots have all already been taken for me. Everywhere I looked, there was some other piece of forensic evidence, whether that was a specific word in the rules or the angle of a screenshot taken off a highly edited and manicured television show.
It’s all fine. I hope everyone’s having a good time. Couldn’t be me, but some people like to dip their fries in mayonnaise. Who am I to judge?
Not to sound simplistic, but what I think everyone is sort of missing here is that none of that matters. I don’t know how else to say it. All the parsing of details and whether Horacio actually won and what peg was in what whole and who shot Mr. Burns and blah blah blah.
You know what the only thing that matters is?
That.
That right there is it. The end all be all. The Alpha and the Omega.
Derrick won. Derrick won because the people who make those decisions say he did. It’s as cut and dry as that. Because whether or not the details align with your personal preferences, and whether or not you think it was fair, after this night, Derrick went back to the house and slept in those smelly rooms, and Horacio got on a flight back home.
Does this mean that somebody somewhere along the line didn’t massively fuck up? No, absolutely not. It’s pretty obvious that they didn’t exactly think through every possibility on this one.
But what’s done is done as done has ever been done.
As it tends to do, The Challenge yet again proves to be nothing more than a metaphor for life. Life’s never fair. Life doesn’t have every possibility thought through and planned out and balanced so that everyone is on an equal playing field. We’re all playing life on different difficulty levels. Horacio should know that better than anyone else.
Winner: Ending The Recap On An Analogy Even More Tortured Than All The Ones You Were Forced To Suffer Through Already
I don’t think you did that right.
But who cares, I guess. Who’s stuck on semantics now.
Well, I guess that’s enough of that. I can finally go and google who Asaf is now.
Ohhhh, the Israeli actor! Duh, why didn’t they just say that? I really had no idea he was ever on this show. It must have been one of the early seasons they don’t have on Paramount+.
For once Google worked, even if it really didn’t seem to want to.
VIVA LA ASAF!!!
Thanks for reading! See you back here soon! And until then, as always, Happy Challenge Watching!!!
