Welcome back to another Pluto Rewind! This time around we get the second episode of Free Agents titled “Love in the Fast Lane”. Inside this edition: Cohutta makes a mistake, Swift gets left out, Rajon Rondo breaks up a fight, and much much more…
Winner: These Guys
Shout out to these guys for not signing the waivers forcing MTV to blur out their faces.
“Look man, we play soccer on the beach for what it means inside of us. For what it does to our souls. We’re not just some sellouts doing it to get famous. Gent bent, Bunim Murray”
Loser: Dustin and Jessica
What’s the opposite of a power couple?
Loser: Emilee With Three E’s Social Skillset
I don’t even know what that means? What does that mean? Can someone tell me what that means?
No man, that one’s on you. Usually I’m pro Cohutta in every way, but I couldn’t disagree more, brother. It’s The Challenge. Of course you should bring a costume.
Alright, fine, he got me. I’m back in.
Top 5 Costume’s at the Costume Party
5) Camila/Nany as ‘Catwoman’— While they both look spectacular, they lose points on the originality scale. One should have obviously acquiesced to the other. But more on that in a bit…
4) Bananas as ‘Banana’ — A costume party at The Challenge house is no place for subtlety
3) Leroy as ‘Nurse’ — For sure just borrowed that from somebody else.
2) Aneesa as ‘Lil Kim at at the VMA’s‘— Nelly might be a sucker for cornrows and manicured toes, but I am a sucker for blatant corporate synergy. Aneesa dressed as Lil Kim at the MTV Video Awards is the on brand shit that keeps Aneesa’s bank account filled with Bunim Murray checks all these years later.
1) Swift as ‘Shit, Nobody Told Me We Were Doing This’ — Clearly nobody had Swift’s phone number in the months leading up to this. I actually feel bad for him he looks so left out. Like the opposite of Carol in the Diwali episode of The Office.
Winner: Nany the G.O.A.T.
Why drink wine out of a glass when you can drink it straight out of the bottle? Work smarter, not harder.
Loser: Stick Shift
Okay TJ, chill. I don’t know how to drive stick. Do you know how to drive stick?
I texted ten people that exact question. Just because I’ve never felt angrier towards TJ Lavin than I did when he emasculated me for not being able to drive stick shift.
One person said “lol no why?”, the other person said “I lost all my contacts who is this?” and eight people haven’t answered yet. I’ll keep you all updated along the way.
Loser: This Daily Challenge
They had to drive a car straight for a little while, run for a little while, then ride a bike around some hay barrels for a little while.
It’s always more interesting to watch these people compete against each other rather than adjacent to each other.
My solution would have been to just have them all go at the same time. Imagine just a bunch of car wrecks and bike crashes. While dangerous, that would’ve been much more entertaining than this.
Winner: Making Out
They’re all just getting the fuck after it in this episode. This is what we lose when it’s for a million dollars and everyone’s gotta be serious. Imagine Kyle or Ashley in this era? They would have cleaned up.
Loser: CT’s Credit Card
Everybody wants to be a baller at the club until the tab is due. I have a certain sector of friends/acquaintances in my life that love overpaying for bottle service more than anything in the world. And yet some of them somehow manage to leave before the bill comes almost every single time.
CT gets stuck buying drink for everyone. And when he poses it to Isaac as I’m “paying 15,000 Pesos right now”, that sounds so much more dramatic than $750. Wait a minute…
…what’s that sound?…
But wait, there’s more. Because somehow from afar this is misconstrued as CT yelling at Camila, Nany’s on her way to save the day…
Loser: This Production Assistant
I love this show more than anything in the world.
So here’s kinda the deal (I think)…Camila got mad at CT for, well nothing really, at the bar. Camila continued to be mad at CT for, well nothing really, outside of the bar. Nany, from many yards away, assumed that her friend Camila needed defending from CT. So in comes Nany to save the day, and it all gets a little jumbled here, but from what it looks like, Camila then thinks that Nany’s there to defend CT. Camila then yells at Nany who of course yells back…
I think I had all of that right. Either way, vodka soda’s are the true winner in all of this.
So now we get back to the house and……
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again for the rest of my life, this is the greatest show in the world.
Things are separated for a little while. Camila cries and says she doesn’t give a fuck.
Nany also says she doesn’t give a fuck while clearly giving all of the fucks in the entire world.
(Spoiler Alert: They did)
And then I don’t know how it happens, but somehow they’re both allowed in the same room again and well…Yeah I mean…
NBA Champion and current Los Angeles Cliper Rajon Rondo, your thoughts?
This is like four hours later.
Winner: The Pyro Gal/Guy
“How much of this elimination arena can we set on fire?”
“I don’t know. I guess most of it.”
Loser: The Letter ‘E’
Now that Emilee with three E’s is eliminated, there is quite the drop in ‘E’ representation on the show. Only time will tell if the letter will ever recover.
Listen, say what you will about him, and there’s a lot to say. But Frank is exactly what this show is missing lately. He was unhinged, mean, a bully, complicated, funny, conniving, athletic, smart, imperfect, and the exact type of person they haven’t been able to cast in a long time.
Thanks for reading! Check back soon for the next edition of Pluto Rewind. And until then, as always, happy Challenge watching!!!